Indian Ameri

Labels: Blurry eyes and lucid mistakes, slumber along shadows, Usual Craziness

Somehow this stanza of a song always catches my attention into the correct mood..... The subtle yet profound value of the stanza was highlighted 'rightly' by NOT having it in the entire movie. And that somehow made it apt for winning my attention.

Labels: Irony of life, So-So mood

Here's the time travel message to the future Hari:
If you are still thinking about what you failed in your PhD years, then also think about the things that made you fail. The most important thing is, you never used a situation for obtaining your results. You never forced an answer towards success. You were completely original in your attempts. You always respected the ideals and principles associated with the goals in pursuit. You screwed up things, but you always bounced back just to get screwed more. And it was not 'entirely' your mistake. And finally you learnt from your mistakes and did correct yourself and never tried to prove that you've changed...... Go on, continue with what you are chasing new now. Remember the moments between when I wrote this and where you are now, that had to be fought harder to keep this guilt in you living. Remember not to forget what you learnt from these mistakes. Remember not to forget what you had left unachieved in your life changing years.........
And always Remember to forgive yourselves. You've tried your better and now try for the best in everything!!!!
** - Everything's personal!!

The Froth that Brimmed: Moments before logging out of work, a FYI mail came in. The careful assimilation of the content, a smile and shake of hands from the boss, and a character of phew in mind was all it took to go home. A handful of minutes later in the center of the abandoned parking lot, the sun simmered so low, that the contents of the e-mail hit the head of despair and made sense. The removal of the goggles, the basking in the now not so simmering sun, followed by the most enthusiastic self-head-rub for about half a minute, lured in an avalanche of emotion that only a vehement yell of F*** brought me back to the earth. There is no particular format to celebrate the mini successes of a mega life. And that my world, is a sad part of the so called cherished happy life.

The Passage Interim: An experienced amble, pushed the legs towards the end of the center lane. The sudden pacing up of the country truck flashing an indicator like a raging bull at the matador pushed my foot further into the next lane. A few microseconds of blankness later, a gust of exhaust hit my face and I blinked in reaction. A few steps across the next lane and finally climbing the other side of the pavement, a strange pain seeped into the skin. Blood started to sparkle in the summer sun and that was when I understood that I was actually brushed by the van that just crossed from the other side of the road. Unlike most men, I have plans made in the most extreme situations. Situations of ending up on an accident in a car. Plans of where to find my phone, which speed-dial number to use, whom to call one last time, and what to say? But, this incident, which composes close to 0.1% of whatever accident I imagined, gave me answers to my plans. There is no way in living hell that I can make the particular phone call. And that my friend, is not an easy thought of last breath.

The Disdained Secrets: Just another insomniac hidden night, and the ding of a concerned chat box fills the ears of music. A puzzled reaction from the message from a distant friend made me instantly dial home. A direct question of concern was greeted with an answer of silence, followed by dad's apologetic voice. A detailed query of the issue shocked me about the intensity of how serious mom's health has been and how stupid of them to keep it a secret. A few more hours spent on consoling, brought into light the life of the forgotten sibling, and a six month long no conversation nephew. Realization struck, being a support and becoming a burden of support is no longer first person. One does not plan to ask for help or help others. And that my family, is a genuine error of human evolution.

(The above post is incomplete......)