Strike 3!! Am I still "IN"????
On a cold evening, exactly three years ago, the wintry February moon shined a quarter of its smile on my cluttered up mind. A certain pint of fervent nostalgia, smoothly infused with a tinge of solitude, wedged perfectly over the bliss of patriotic but not chauvinistic dream, marked the genesis of the ‘Indian Ameri’ – the blog you are reading. In these three years of my most defining years of life, this blog has been more than just a log of stupid and brilliant, joy and sorrow, self appreciating and self killing, mistaken and governed, controlled and uncontrolled, failure and victorious, breaking and bonding and many such 'flip of a coin' events.
Many a wondrous moments have been churned as a character that bloomed from this same blog. It has threaded a path so naively artistic, that it had governed a few memorable events and a sequence of 'consequences' which still has its scars and smiles visible in the current minute. Of all the million rants I reeked in distress, and the zillion exciting stuff I had naughty in excitement, a few posts such as the missed pizza gathering misunderstanding, the heat stroke responsibility event, emergency flashers of dictatorship on understanding, boxes of creativity from a single source, taught me certain paramount values of life. And the most interesting thing is; these values were showcased only due to the cause-effect of writing the posts in the first place.
Life might have gone through a twist of roller coasters and fearsome hoops in this interim, but the call for what stays as a fundamental learning step, to the next highest level in achievement is still good. From a bullish, angry and ranting chief of a clan, to a vulnerable, limited, isolated and rightly proven of my wrongs soul, I have an arsenal of characters ready to be highlighted for adjustment towards adaptability. And believe it or not, it all remains as registered protocols in the name of several posts which I refer to in due needs. The log always enshrouds a smirk of confidence in me at the end somehow.
Although Indian Ameri started with the zealous ‘Dream or Duty’ and slowly digressed into the many dimensions of the human emotional world through the other blog pages, the red dot of the bull’s eye hasn’t lost any fire. 'Daily Crazy' merged as an avatar of Indian Ameri, and 'Scribbling of the Lost Mind' penned from bytes to paper and once to press. As 'Quotes of Memory' continue to curtail the annotations of the current mindset 'Slumber among the lane of firing shadows' remain to prolong the pangs of memoirs. Although the standard of my skill in this active world of expression stays low-put, within the creation of my very own magic, these posts are masterpieces of an artistic pro, which will always have a fan in symbiosis. I guess, with that told, I can answer the title clearly, “Yes! My innings still continue”
What stayed before the moment? I don't remember. What lies beyond the moment? I don't know. What stays in the moment? I can't express. And as there's always a but.....
What was 'all the past' about? Lessons. 'What all' will the future be about? Dreams. And what is the present 'all about'? Gifted Mistakes.
(6 am thunderstorms, wrapped up long hour shifts, a slowly increasing fever, an air tight nasal blockage, and two songs “Breakeven” and “The Man Who Can’t Be Moved” can really make one, kill time by blabbering nyyyon ishtaaap!! Sheesh!.. Got to go home, sleep, get well and get back to work... Rain rain go away! Come again Some other day.... :D )
An Unfinished Post
What I did with a couple of supporting great friends during the day of a very high temperature of fever: All we did was talk for about 3 hrs on Chennai roads and directions, Defense and night vision goggles, Ramayan - Mahabarath, Moses, Jesus, Bibles, Da Vinci Code, Passion of Christ, Mohammad, Buddha, Wars of Mahabharath, Constant of light, cork screw rule, Right hand thumb rule, Cigarette style competition, Cigarrette bud configuration, Chapstick principle, Marker and permanent highlighter. I was happy that I know where I can use my knowledge and where not to. I am gifted in finding the right friends too. :D
Today was an interesting day. An interesting day which I shall recollect years later, when someone throws the question, "Have you ever seen its working mechanism?" and point their finger at a huge clock in a tower. Be it, an awkward dash to the meeting, or a hippity hoppity 3 am hop to take out samples, or a sliding winter slippery morning to the exciting work, I always end up checking my watch with the Memorial Hall's clock tower. And as always, it is 3 minutes slower than my watch. Once, I even made sure to check on its time lapse that occur for day light savings, and to my surprise they did change the time as it should be changed at 2 am. (Now, I am convinced that I had a reason to do this interesting act)
Today, as I checked the clock tower during the morning run, I noticed it was 6:23. "What the??? Did I lose an hour of my sleep?" and I rechecked my watch to notice that it was 7:20 am. A strange feeling of responsibility hit me hard enough to scan the Engineering campus for a janitor and finally found one disguised as an Eskimo in the cold wave. A few minutes later, I was gifted a platter of an undeniable offer to check the clock's mechanism as a Thank You note. An opportunity not taken is an opportunity lost. And an opportunity to change time is an opportunity to 'just change time' (what else did you expect?).
A few stairs up with my usual 3 step skip ascent, a creaking door, and an iron key that weighed a few lbs was all it took, to make my eyes stare in fascination. All the gears and levers were kept well oiled, clean and above all in perfect fit working in sync. The sight was exhilarating. A few minutes was enough to detail the entirety of the mechanism behind the clock. Somehow the walk down the stairs echoed, "Time is all a mechanism" The metaphysics behind the echo has it's own convoluted virtue. I'd rather abstain myself from explaining the meaning of the statement before I make the post uninteresting.
For me, I am just gifted a certain amount of luck in witnessing such great mechanisms and interesting things. I finally feel good about my odd habit of checking the clock for no reason. The reason was all reasoned out, after all, in time, in a timely manner.
Off the Mechanics of Engineering: I am not an early morning mirror talking guy. In fact I never was. But, to make things easy and life simpler, I'd started this new trend of making a unique funny face every morning before or after I brush my teeth. It does give me some good laughter to start the day wide and bright. I seriously NOT doubt how many different faces you can make in your life time.
Well, more dreams to make me think compound. The latest was of me trying smoking. The strange thing is my soon to be Swades(i) roomie was the guy who provided me the Cigars (Yup! I started directly with cigars in my dream), and his style of drinking alcohol is by sniffing it and having a hang over in the morning. Sheesh, Cigars and from Nicko!!!
I survived a self-posted bet with none other than self (again) of not checking the Oscars for over a day. And after several pulls, shut sneaks, bloated gtalk messages, bling bling orkut quotes, huff-puff AR Hails, I managed to pull the 24 hours without knowing the winners list. Of course, I was forced with info regarding the twins from AR's success. Well the bet was that the winner got to taste awesome home cooked catfish, while the loser had to cook it.
Never knew that I would be chased away by nightmares.
21 days, 2,3/even 4 months, unhealthy, nothing like can't, thanks, wrong, relaxing, 85, clap has two, beyond good, a bro, what's up, inner, jet, rope....
The one thing to do is what, that can't be done.........
I Miss You & Friday the 13th
As I said these words through the speaker phone, dad too had his initial reactions by rattling the paper to the floor, looking at mom, and then composing his usual self with a hint of sarcasm towards mom. "There is something behind this comment. Be careful dear. He is luring you into something big."
I smirked at dad's level of understanding and thought, "Damn Old man, you very well read my mom-son side of mind" "How about your Father?", Mom inquired after awakening from her day dream, trying to prove a point to Dad that I miss her the most seriously.
"Hehehehe" (That's the exact sound I made on the phone) and I felt the 10 MW aura having a fuse to a zero watt bulb and all that excitement in her face vanishing into thin air. Then I heard clear: Dad started his 'exhaling' laughter.
"Mom, I don't miss dad that maaaaaaaach.................." A big pause from me, and somehow mom understood that there's still words to add to that dragged upon 'much' "Coz, Hilt fills up his position of questioning my actions constantly", I finished (Hilt is my advisers name).
"No ones here to scold me like you do. And I miss that", I finished again, trying to fill her pause of disbelief. "All you miss is my scoldings?? :O I am not talking to you anymore" and she handed the phone to dad.
After quite a sumptuous laughter shared between dad and self, both (Yup, dad too) ended up apologizing to her for nearly 10 whole minutes. The rest of the discussion was all on Valentines Day Plans insinuating into my life's ambition on the personal front, some more sarcasm on Mom's early 20's-life running around Old Madras with Dad, throwing dust in the eyes of her relatives, etc. And as usual, the whole discussion ended up with me telling mom that, "I have none of your traits. I wasn't born to you. You picked me up from some 'golden' trash bin", etc, and the things that usually make my mom start giving me 'gaalis' that eventually drives away the insomniac in me and I slept with the phone at '8:30' in the morning.
I wonder, "How much sin have I done by never expressing my love to my mom and by constantly pissing her lovely mood?" Well, at least am still being that immature kid she likes to see, more than that mature, keeping stuff to himself sober, all guns going, trying to achieve big in life by constantly screwing up his sleep, 'son'. Thanks to the "above the shoulder grown son to friend" theory, there might have been a drastic incline in the physical expression of love towards my dad after coming to the States, but truly, I miss mom and her ways of keeping me find my inner peace. Sometimes being independent, teaches me to understand what dependence truly mean. Uh Oh! I am going too senti... Am walking back to the pavilion now...... "If you've read till this point, then 'This' is the sign for you to be that kid you used to be with your parents. Make them happy this Valentines Day" :P (I always like to say 'This is the sign'.... He he he he he)
Post Sleep post: Today Friday the 13th has definitely got to be the worst day of my life. What I did today, would haunt me for the rest of my life. This is one such day that would really screw up my mood (and at the same time keep me guarded) whenever I look back at my past. Today is the day after 4 long years, I transformed back into the angry guy I used to be back in India, and nearly ruptured into the meanest bully I could ever imagine. Thanks to the long walk for lunch to downtown screwing up all experiments, etc, I came to a certain of level of cool - the level meaning I was in a state to understand my side of error too as I returned. Unfortunately, the chasm of a bottle can't be filling pressure all the while and ended up facing yet again the situation of being the wrong guy at the wrong place at the wrong time. While, the true story part still remains in my shoes, and not even dream of requesting someone to walk in it, I decided to keep a check on my anger, and frick I screwed up big time in doing the most stupid thing of my life. Though, then, I was fricken mad at myself for what I was doing, now I feel a little glad, reconsidering the amount of pressure I really handled, before I broke down. I now know my limits and boundaries of taking pressure to more than a hench level. I know things won't be the same with me. I won't be that guy I used to be with others. Others won't see me the same anymore even if I don't change. Things have gone different and this would change the momentum so forth. I just hope, that those who witnessed todays sequence of incidents, understand that I had much reason beyond their imagination for the eventful mishap and won't question (or better even don't have concern) me for the rest of their or my lives. I know, I am a good guy - relinquishing the fact, that I could have thrown anger at everyone for silly stupidness that was being generated, but instead, I kept things within me, coz I never even imagined to hurt them in the first place. Of all the days in my life, Friday the 13th of Feb 2009 is the one day I would seriously time machine out and erase it from the pages of history. For the very first time in life, I 'feel' stupid and 'felt' vulnerable. I am getting back my composure my own style. But next time, I wish I'd rather show anger on something (and not someone), break my wrist/knuckles rather than being stupid. (I can go on and on and on... But, I guess its time to put things back in the past and carry on).
Oh Yeah! Awesome timing to say this - Happy Valentines Day..... (A truck load of smileys, just saying that I am truly smiling and considering the change I need to face) Cheerios!
WhOOO iSSSS BAAArney WeBBB?
"Sir, I'll put you in standby for the next flight", commented Carolyn.
"So... Can I still run and try to catch the flight?", I asked.
"Yeah! It's in gate 3 B", informed Carolyn.
Pant, pant, more panting, and I slowed at the security check to notice that there was none to verify my ticket (standby) with my ID. A delayed check, the previous person's belt getting entangled in the conveyor, a line awaiting the conveyor to work, some random guy's deo in a bag similar to mine, and what else can happen to delay my attempt to board the flight. Then again, as I was given the freedom to say "Vidu Joooooooooooteeeee" I bolted out, holding my accessories, and the ticket with my ID in the other. As I neared Gate 3-B in the second floor, I noticed that there was no one guarding the gate.
"What the hell? I'm not missing my flight for some oaf's loo break or whatever", I felt, and I slided down the escalator (Escalator sliding ain't that easy compared to a normal stair), landed safe. A dash among the curvy bridge led to 3 security personal, and the flight attendant tagging bigger carry ons. He asked my name...
"Chirra - Last name. C H I." and he handed me a paper which he said is my ticket.
"Whew! I made it", I told myself.
"We are waiting for one more passenger to board. You may go in sir", he said.
The next 90 mins of the flight was all about losing focus, staring onto the clouds, watching my neighbor lady snore, drool, and sometimes even snort, which eventually made me laugh. Then came the important part. We Landed.
And then 3 officials in suits, with gun straps visible over their shoulder blades, barged in with one hell of a style. Apologizing and at the same time, threatening with their mean style, they walked straight towards aisle 23.
23 C was where I was sitting. Then they stood there, watching me. One of them asked, "Can we see your ticket?"
"Hell Yeah, before you end up mistaking me for some terrorist", ran through my mind. My hands ran over my pocket to get the ticket. I gave it to them. All the three scanned simultaneously, as if it was some cheat sheet given in an exam.
One of them then instantaneously took a walkie-talkie and said to the gadgets static, "We have Barney Webb over here." "Can we see your ID?", requested another official.
"Hell yeah again" I thought to myself and showed my license. Immediately to the static he replied, "The ticket got swapped. You can release him"
"Release???? :O WTHeck?" ran in my mind.
"Next time, please check the name in your ticket before you board the flight" requested one of the officials. Confused, I took a look into my ticket and 'yes' it was not mine. It had the name Barney Webb, who, after some information digging turned out to be a latecomer (just like me). Also he made a commotion in the airport I boarded, for missing his flight, coz he can still see the flight in the tarmac. Eventually, I presume that he did something crazy to be detained by the officials and questioned.
Turned out that enquiry went a good deal deep ahead and the airport officials understood that his name was accounted for being boarded the flight, while I, Chirra had been checked in, but not boarded.
"Sweat off my brow", I felt as I found this intriguing detail from the connecting flight official. Then I recapped, and understood why the flight attendant said "Sorry" instead of "Thanks" as I disembarked the flight. He mistook C H I of Chirra for W E B (Letter blind I guess) and gave the wrong boarding ticket.
The second flight was all about being cramped, lost in staring, guessing if the name 'Barney' is the sign I need to be looking for, finding six degrees of separation between Webb & Stintson, what I'd be like if I 'Suited Up' and eventually watching the ice melt in the drink I tried, Hic!!
Old Post Ought to be published: Breaking your leg by hitting wrong, or slip and fall hard on your ass, or stand wrong and swell your ankle, are some of the many options that form 99.99999999% of injuries, that could be caused by hitting an ice chunk on the road. But, I ended up biting my tongue as I attempted the kick. The link between the feet and tongue is a mile long, but somehow that's how things work - ain't it? True Story - The Socrates in me wakes up from the mortuary, every now and then, just to be killed, time after time after time by self. And the dialogue as he awakens goes like, "Ye drink thou potion of death, else, I thy hunt till death" Crazy me...
Somehow I have a feel-good feeling about the ug project I am pursuing. Although I'm the one doing all the experiments as I teach the freshmen, I might indeed use this opportunity to get something simple yet smart for a chapter of my thesis (and a potential communications paper). Prepared 53 samples of stamps for the weeks work (Thats 600% more than the maximum I EVER did before). The calculation for preping tomorrows reaction system alone took about 90 mins. Morro's gonna be hectic'ier' :P.
Ended up going to the UK-Florida Basketball SEC game, made a face tattoo, gave enough Hi-Fi's to this fun loving 8 year old southie, watched the game being won, yelled a lot of invectives in the open crowd, got a lot of endorphines generated, and eventually got tired of the sore throat. Had to use acetone to remove the tattoo (Coz there was no scotch tape in the lab at 2 in the morning).
I still want to know if 'Barney' is the sign I've been looking for???? :eeek
Shooby dooby dooby doo woi....
Well, as the aggressive warrior looking for a way, to stop tripping over thin grass, I had no other option but to go hunting for a smile. Unimpressive me, I was too occupied and stupid to be busy, but not search for the much needed smile.
A 2 am wake up call, a hot shower (Yup at 2 in the morning), a prune me, a hunger stricken pain in the stomach, just magic carpeted me to Waffle House. A corner table occupancy, the usual polite me with both the food and the server just won my real self back. A perfect, playful stranger in the teens, the last quarter of my wallet, a random urgency to the loo, a humble request from the teen, and a kick into the old karaokes gut..... Presto!! The tune and hum of the song just broke my grim shackles and there I was, smiling in disbelief with my resurfaced conscientious angel and devil partners. The corner seat could not corner me anymore. Last 30 minutes has been truly a heaven in disguise (in spite of the long walk on a deserted cold wintry 4 am, back to the lab). All I did during the walk was, (and am still) singing
"Shooby dooby dooby doo woi
Shooby doo, Oh
Shooby doo dooby doo boi oi
"Now life is one big party when you're still young
And who's gonna have your back when it's all done
It's all good when you're little, you have pure fun
Can't be a fool, son, what about the long run"
Awesome Air Kicks
5 min update
2. Had my first recharging sleep in 2009, and ended up having difficulty in moving my atropied muscles.
3. Slept at night for 5 hrs and now am back to the lab deciding to work till lunch time. Screw you biological clock is what I'm saying.
4. Dreamed of e-mailing an article to John McCain and ended up meeting and discussing science with him. Weird..... (Weird, coz I didn't end up convincing him for a funding or generating an idea out of the discussion).
5. Had my first beautiful slip and fall in the snow and thanks to that my constant sitting stress on my back reduced. (Strange physics of biology I'd say)
6. Unlucky by chance that I need to wait another few weeks on a sensor which keeps me from achieving my research goals (and personal too guess). Thanks to my awesome timing, the shipment is lost in travel. How lame can bad luck be.. Sheesh....
7. Something interesting happened which triggered this post in the first case. Too bad my sleep ruined my memory neurons to discharge this soon. A mini Ghajini crisis I suppose. 'N'wayz time to get pre-occupied...