Indian Ameri


"What's cookin dawc?"

Of all human concepts that the extra sense has engendered in us, 'hope' by all means fall under the 'octane number 97' category. At times, it is like the carrot that is tied in front of a cart pulling horse, and keeps us running second after second, every moment. In my case, the carrot was the last line of defense I feasted upon, drinking almost 3 liters of carrot juice (the real one, along with 6x473 ml of Iced Tea, 2 tetra packs of banana-strawberry juice, among the gallons of water I gulped to keep myself off dehydration); just to keep my dreams alive. The past two weeks have been quite sumptuous in terms of cognitive research. Somehow, I managed to keep aside the myriad of frivolous issues (including writing a blog post) that usually clutter the gorge of space between my ears (and I'm sorry for not writing posts for a while) and focus on the bigger picture of my current life – my research work.

After intense work hours, numerous runs between the quarter-mile analysis labs, an intelligent eye for perceptive observations, plans for serial multi tasked experiments, compromising intellectual discussions, sacrificial axon growth with an average 3-4 hrs sleep per day, galvanic corrosion of mucous lining in my malnutrition-hunger stricken stomach, and a complex emotion of refusing simple and untangled results, WE (I and my advisor) ended up generating a plethora of answers that paved way to clarify muddled up facts, smeared up connections, blurred up conclusions, and an incoherent mass of organized entropy, our past research dealt with.

With this new insight, our subjective Zen of experience is efficiently serving to consolidate my dreams towards the end goal. Although, a curve of glittering and shimmering hope exuberant my face of radiant confidence, a sense of apprehension fills my heart in reality. The confound question of "Is this, also an eleventh hour crisis, which, I'm managing to take control of, or is it the tenth hour I'm pushing to the eleventh, as I'm taking total control in my hands?" keeps me at check.

Whatever may be the reason, I believe, it is time I consolidate my ammunition of carrots (including the real ones) and spend more time among the jungle of centrifuge tubes and nanoscale analysis equipments. May the future of science lie in the hands of the many uncontrolled, unsocial, rabid, sopor deprived, literature driven, lab rats like me ;)………….

Off the lunatic literature post:

I managed to end up in a temporary coma – at least that's what all my symptoms point to when I slept a 2 hour nap to a brain dead 15 hour coma.

Managed to dislocate my finger and break a long grown nail, in a game of cricket and am using it as an excuse to throw invectives at my ever close-kept enemies (the injury occurred in the middle finger :D)

Currently sit at the top of the MCT league among 300 men (26 teams with an average of 13 players per team) as the best fielder having 14 feathers in 7 games. It is strange, that people are interested in the i-phone I might win rather than appreciating my efforts to go into such a position.

Found a cool 74 year old person as a partner for my evening walks back home, who by all means showers me with his stories of experience and fun in the late 50's and early 60's.

I managed to work 62 hrs on a stretch (OK, had 5 hrs of sleep in between), and gather as much info as I can from a new analysis and thanks to all the productive results, my advisor in his own words is "having a nervous breakdown" for spending $250 for the analysis (It's at a freakin $4/hr usage charge).

And finally, I'm moving out to a new apartment, and this time of my life, I'm trying to recollect as many memories as I can related to the apartment I 'might' miss.

(I usually, end up searching for the right image before I post a blog. And this time, I keyed in 'Horse and carrot' and the first image that came in google images was the one shown below. Couldn't stop smiling as I saw it, coz it showered a bag of memories and a post I wrote a way long time ago... =))) )

posted by Hariharasudhan Cd at Wednesday, July 30, 2008 4 comments



I just witnessed something strange and unique. Anything strange to me, almost is like strange to everyone around. Walking towards the lab, I cross this small garden of dense trees and shrubs. In one of the trees, there was this guy (almost unnoticeable) in black Tees and camouflage shorts sitting midway in a tree and taking notes in a folder. As soon as he saw me, he wrote something.
With surprising look, I crossed him, avoided his notes, and walked two feet past him. Strangely, his position was enticing enough for me to come back and ask him, "Hi! Any chance you're a statistician or a psychologist?" (I had 'working for the CIA or hunting deer?' also running in my head). With an equally surprising look, he replied, "Statistician" and gave a puzzled look. I just smiled and walked off back to work.
The rest of my walk to the lab was all "Stop guessing things correct" relaying in my mind.

Take it that I am very busy and that I can beat even the bee in work. Also take that I am having ample time to throw around. I am living two lives at the same time. Anyway, top favorites for the (week) day are Island in the Sun by Weezers and When the Day met the Night by Panic at the Disco. Desi tops are Taxi Taxi, Marudhaani and Elay from AR's Sakkarakatti, Nimirndhu Nil from Saroja, Mausam Achanak from Love Story 2050, 3 more songs from Thoda Pyaar aur thoda magic and a few more new tracks.....
posted by Hariharasudhan Cd at Thursday, July 17, 2008 1 comments


Split second splits

The amount of thought that goes behind a split second decision is in fact the most powerful, rapid, momentous human process and is also the most important quality behind ones success and failure

In 1999, the cricketing world witnessed one of the greatest one day games in the history of cricket, when Alan Donald ball-watched and gave-away South Africa’s hopes to make into the finals of the world cup. If you don’t like cricket or what happened then, just read this (1999 Cricket World Cup semifinal). Though nearly a decade has passed, and Alan Donald being a great fast bowler, he is still remembered for that one split second mistake he did.

My name shall be remembered in the history of MOCL and MCT leagues for at least two decades for the one split second, stupid single person mistake. Scoring 115 on a relatively slow outfield damped by intermittent showers in the first 20-20 over game, I, being a captain had a huge task in hand to carry the good batting of mine worthy enough, and a team packed with young blood to win against a power hitting team. 17 overs into the game, as a smart captain, I managed to rotate bowlers and set fielders in great potential to take 6 feathers of the team. With three overs remaining and 21 runs to take, and only two overs from two experienced bowlers in hand, I had to gamble and brought the part timer. Though his first ball four eased the pressure of the batting side, a strong word with him, an action of confidence and assurance of bowling at specific locations (by giving him signs standing behind the sticks), we managed to get the equation in par. An over later, and several smart captaining moves, the equation ended as 4 runs to win from 6 balls with two wickets in hand.

Opting for the most experienced bowler in the team, who for the first time kept aside his experience and listened to my comments and bowled extraordinarily the first two balls, the equation was reduced to 2 runs from 3 balls. A well said bouncer, unfortunately edged the high bat and streaked high behind me. A well timed jump made me touch it at least from the tip of my fingers to save the runs. A wide angle collect from the fielder and dive to the stumps ensured a wicket and 1 run of 2 balls.

In came the next batsmen who eventually was accompanied by the opponent captain as a by-runner coz of his injury. An acceptance from me and a warning to the leg umpire and a word of caution to my vice captain that ‘make sure that he doesn’t run before ball is being hit in the bat’ settled the game back to track.

Ball 5 was a bouncer as planned, a miss from the batsmen, a collect from me, a run to the stumps and no run from the team. Now the equation was 1 run from 1 ball. Extreme pressure on both teams. If, I wasn’t wearing the keeper gloves, I would have ate all the ten finger nails in seconds. I ran to the stumps, called the close standing short mid-on and short mid-off players and told them that, “I’ll throw the ball as soon as I collect it to you guys. Make sure the one in front of the stumps collect it and take the bails off”

Another bouncer delivered, a miss, a collect of the white ball with soft hands, a run towards the wickets, I seeing the batsmen ball-watching as it came to me, and at the background the non striker pacing up towards the batting end. A sense of “The batsmen is still here, and the leg umpire is not a neutral umpire. Just throw it past the batsmen towards the bowling end slow and steady” zipped in a micro second through my mind. A slow jump and a slow throw towards the bowler were perfectly crafted.

“Hari, hit at your end! Hit the sticks! Take the bails off! Your end Hari!” bellowed in my ears as the ball I threw, sailed towards the bowler slowly. Then complete silence. My eyes narrowed on the dark blue jersey with white pads running towards the bowlers side 10 feet away and grounding the bat on the crease. A jubilant smile appeared in his face. Complete blankness, and a view of my most experienced bowler glaring at me in anger. My eyes focused on the ball held in his hand and the non striker coming to me with the most broad smile he can ever produce and comment, “I thought I was out! Why didn’t you take the bails here itself?”

My shocked response, “I forgot all about the by runner!” and I collapsed on my knees on the pitch, head down onto the pitch. ‘How? How did I forget about the by runner? Aarrrggghhhh! After a great knock with the bat and being a smart captain, and Oh Shit… Being a captain, how can I do that?’ was the thought that hit me. In seconds, I was pulled from the ground by not one, but ten men, with shocked yet smiling faces, and each one asked, “What happened there?” and before I answered to their disbelief, I heard, “Happens Hari”

In the next four hours of dining and driving, I was joked, mocked, ridiculed and rode by the team. But, the one most important thing they did was they understood the split second mistake and accepted it as it came. None were sad that they lost the game, but were happy about the fight they gave and how awesome the game ended. I knew I screwed up the game which should have gone in for our first ever bowl out. In two hours, after I reached Lexington, I got calls from nearly all of Lexington, on the way the game ended.

I was then, Alan Donald of 2008, of Lexington, of UKCC…..

An exact contrast to this happened the very next day, when we played our arch rivals on the regular 35 over game, and in this case, taking a no-way-dive-catch coz of a split second “now or never” decision ended up in a shocker of a dive catch from me. Four overs later, a split second conclusion on the way the relay has to work ended up in me racing ten yards towards the fielder, collecting the wide feeble throw in one bounce, turn back, run towards the sticks by 4 yards, and diving forward and under-arming a run out to take the wicket of a good batsman. A minute later I realized, “Split second decisions just control the success and failure rates of ones life! Either you screw up or you become legendary” Certain things cannot be controlled and split second decisions are one of those things.

posted by Hariharasudhan Cd at Monday, July 14, 2008 3 comments


And the verdict is......

The verdict is "Step Back and Start Over Again"

The above words along with the new phrase 'These results are frustrating!' finally broke the barrier in my research life. I am not feeling gloomy about the fact that I need to restart my research (which I've spent working on for the past 2 years) and spend qualitative cognitive time in securing my PhD. The joke of "I'll graduate in 2 years and I've been saying that for the past 2 years" is finally becoming true.

How I'm going to achieve it? I don't know. But I sense that it is going to be a fun ride for the next twenty months. I have no clue of how I always end up as a 11th hour crisis handler even after immense planning and organization. Well, let me just face it..... Am good only at the last minute.. Else am a sucker :D

Things funny, that happened over the past month:
1. I had to say really bad, bad, bad........ bad PJ's to keep a good friends' friend from sobbing in the airport. I had to even snatch flowers from a friend of mine and offer it to her.
2. I and my best friend checked two sets of ear rings and we employed our photography skills (color, aesthetics, aspect ratio, etc) to buy it. Fortunately, before paying for 'em I asked this newly wed lady about the selection, and she wasn't able to take her eyes of it. The poor husband was given a scare of buying more for her. He just blurted out in agony (with a sheepish smile) that he spent 3 hours to get her the necklace and now this comes from nowhere. I can hear his conscience screaming "Why God? Why??? Why me????"
3. I saw the whole 4th of July fireworks while driving on the interstate. It was of great beauty as I zipped through heavy slow moving traffic at an excess of 30 mph over the legal speed limit (or was it the traffic speed). I felt as a King being welcomed into the big city.
4. I'm turning into Mr. Hitch. In less than a week, I've given advice to 4 different friends (of very different character) on why they screwed up their relationship (only when they asked me I went for their help. Otherwise I don't intervene) and a plausible solution too. Funny fact is, they took my advice (as such - strange :o) and ended up throwing me a shy smile later in the day. From now on, a consultant charge of $10/hr is to be paid.
5. Today, I went to the court (second time in 10 days) for over speeding reasons. Waiting for the judge, I helped this 40+ lady in getting the stuck vending machine snack. As it happens as always, she turned out to be the judge and after terribly calling my full name (sounded like alien language to me), she apologized, smiled and said, "All charges have been dismissed and Mr. Harry (I corrected her earlier), drive SLOW!!" I ended up giving her a scratchy smile.
posted by Hariharasudhan Cd at Thursday, July 10, 2008 4 comments


The lost piece

With drooped chin of diffidence, exhausted for an answer, I sensed the looming shadow of gloom standing among the stranded aura of sodium lights. There, those few seconds of futility, as I got lost in the turmoil of unwound memories, I realized what is the 'one most important thing' that I forgot, the one missing piece of the puzzle, making me remain incomplete, and as the random thought hit me, I couldn't control the muscles of confidence from contracting into a smile of victory.


Intimidation sometimes might be the sole reason of success in ones life.

(P.S. This is my 250th post!!!!)
posted by Hariharasudhan Cd at Tuesday, July 08, 2008 6 comments


Definitely not confused. Just a Blurt!

Somehow this quicksand is different from the rest. This one's already sunk me to the underbelly and this time it's too personal. I can't kick sand to sink faster and I can't yell for help coz am stranded in nowhere. This is never me, sinking silently. I hope the pit is shallow or the best thing, I hold my breath and dive deep into it searching for a wormhole.

But the real truth is "Am smiling at the route I took before I walked into this trap"

Mom though knows the reasons that made me an atheist, she wants me to pray to The Lord; The one final act I'm resisting to ensure my integrity in self. Dad finally understood that I wear the religious chain in the memory of his words and deeds and not in respect for the Lord. But I am trapped in a world which makes me regret even believing the existence of someone miraculous above me to a level that I want to break open the shackles of my life and the chain and throw it far and deep into the ocean, never to be found and felt. I am too bold to go anonymous for the rest of my life. Fuck Reality. I'll fucken recover somehow. Am too proud to fucken give up so easily.

posted by Hariharasudhan Cd at Friday, July 04, 2008 2 comments


I just wish I had something or someone to blame it on.....
posted by Hariharasudhan Cd at Wednesday, July 02, 2008 6 comments