Small means Big
Moments ago, I had a great answer for a random query posted at me by a good friend. "What happens when a heart is broken?"
"Hmmm... Intere'S'ting question"
"TECHNICALLY SPEAKING...... the pros always exceed the cons."
- The more one's heart is broken, the more is the surface to volume ratio, which means, its got immense potential to imbibe or absorb or in romantic terms, someone else's love. (In the con terms people call it vulnerability. But that's also related to the mind)
- More the pieces mean, more is the data storage for short and special memories. Allocation of these heartful memories can be alphabetically sorted (depending on the names of the partners you've been with - A for Anita, B for Bhumika, C for Chitra, D for Deepa, etc :D Strangely most Indian girl names end with A at the end....)
- Smaller means, an in depth analysis is needed to see what exactly is there in your heart. Which implies that a powerful eye of the new future partner, is expected.
- If you consider them as jigsaw puzzles of various moments that determined the relationship in your lifetime, then you can have fun trying to jumble them to find an answer, and the good news is, it's easy to find what the missing was easily.
- Then what else... hmmmmm..... errrr....... ahem ahem..... cough cough..... (Damn! You are a nanotechnology based researcher.. Think dumbo..... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....)
"What was that for?" I questioned in pain. And the only reply she gave me was a hysterical series of gasping laughter and a pointed finger to the door.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..... Bow Bow... Woof Woof...... and I walked out of the house leaving them to continue the discussion on broken hearts and mending it together. Outside I just hoped my friend doesn't get a knuckle on his empty skull too. Three floors down I heard an empty vessel being hit. "Ah! Poor chap! She gave one to him too.. Tsk tsk tsk tsk...."
Off the gluing hearts: Watched Wall E (Preview show 12:01 am show) and wow and double wow. But the triple wow goes to the pre preview show 10 min cartoon (animation sort) of a smart rabbit and his magician. Once I find the video, I shall post it online. You'll all love it.
OK... Am swamped to finish this post right away. I shall add the rest of the off the gluing hearts in the next post.
Been listening to One Year and six months ago, Memories, Beep Beep Song
"A Change is what everyone wants" - This is exactly what I said to my long lasted roomie yesterday night. And it is very true that, that everyone includes me too.
It's been quite a while that I did something different, peaceful, soulful, unexpected, out of the blue. Last night, after a heavy meal, I and my roomie, we both went to an unchecked parking lot near our house. Soon, in a couple of minutes, we decided to hitch through the dark bushes and explore the lions cave.
About a minute later, there we were watching on either sides of the iron road wanting for life. And we got life in the beacon of a powerful light. It was the dormant goods train. It was the same train that disturbs us during our late night movies with its choo choo. But today, its choo choo was pleasant and peaceful.
Sitting on the nearby railings, we counted the boggies at the back, felt the cold wind off the train (by Bernoulli effect) sending shivers through our spines, felt the vibration of the heavy-tonned wheels pinning the I-rods rising through our bones, the beats of the movement incrementing with every boggy, and finally the choo choo fading away in thin air. Seconds later, we both were childish enough, to run behind the train, keep our ears on the railing and feel it disappear into the outskirts.
Moments later, there we were sitting, on the central of the three iron roads, telling each other the things we missed during our busy lives, the things we should have done or said, the things that are things of utmost importance, the things of life, the things...... and then the silence got broken with the light brightening our faces.
One more train, snailing towards us. There we sat, intimidated by the light and the honkers we were soniced into as he sped into the lions pace. We sat all while long, waited, waited, waited...... A few feet before our thrones, we looked at each others face, and laughed. Yes! We laughed. We laughed coz the train was on the adjacent track. And we knew it all way long. But, it was the laughter that we shared made us realize what both of us were going through. Silence filled our hearts, while the trains rhythm filled our minds. We both had a sighed smile on our faces as we watched the giant pass us unnoticed.
One more train later, we stood on each railing and tried balancing ourselves for as long as we can. We spoke about the physics, biology and psychology behind the balancing act. We laughed yet again, joked at the passing medical helicopter, and walked half a mile on the tracks. We returned back to our spot, and told my roomie "You have changed for good"
"You too Hari", he replied with his genuine smile and we walked back home.
Something filled my heart, a feeling of hope, a feeling of self satisfaction. I then realized, "Change doesn't happen as we think or as we force. It just happens unexpected and unnoticed just like love"
Thanks to it, I shall survive with a smile......
Just some random things happening in life. Don't take too much pain in going through it. Just carry on with your lovely day....
Wisdom is pain in the Jaws: The final wisdom teeth has finally crept from its dormancy and thanks to its awesome point of entry (lower left molar zone), I am having a terrible pain on one side of my face. This, seems to be the sole reason for my migraines coz now I have more of 'em attacking my daily routine intermittently.
Self Rotten Truth: In three years of PhD life, this Thursday was the most disgusting day in my self conscious life. Thanks to last months sickness and a few more factors, my research productivity had gone to the drain. I despised myself for what I've done and not done; said and unsaid; created and destroyed, and finally for what I am and what I'm not.
First things first: Finally in the third game I did what I was meant to do. Score good. Scored 33 in 16 balls and made sure my partner ran 25 odd runs (as if chased by a rabid dog) to get his 42 in the last 6 overs. Registered my teams name as a formidable opponent in the tournament and also my name as the best fielder in terms of wickets (Got 8 feathers on my cap in 3 games). PS, I made my debut last week in terms of bowling and took the wicket of the one person our team desperately wanted to send out.
Dreams: Six days it had been that I've been dreaming (That's a new development. It's rare I dream on a rot) about something worldly (dreams are supposed to be exaggerated) and with the same bunch of characters. But the pick of the dreams I want to happen in reality is to cross this long bridge amidst a heavy thunderstorm and flash flood warning, in which the river which am crossing rises to a tide high enough to wash me and bicycle off the bridge. But, somehow, I just hang on to one of the cables and laugh hysterically. (Crazy? I don't know. But am in a murderous mood for a couple of days)
Roof Stars: I stared at the ceiling for how long that it was so long and expected to see stars on it. Nearly after 20 days, I spoke to my parents and all I did was use 'Yes' 'No' 'Nothing' 'You tell me' 'Umm Hmmm....' 'K' 'Sorry' as part of my 90 minute conversation. Never felt bad and better at the same time. Immediately called, my ex roomie and we answered most of our questions in silence, sighs and laughter.
UG: Strangely, I recently realized that it had been 3 years off the last bench. While all of my fellow friends had gone up ladders in their respective fields, I feel broke and stopped in the quest for something I started my life for in the first place. Right now, I'm in the "Is there anything, that will go good in my future life?" mode. I know that I would recover from this mode soon, but what would it take this time of my life is the big question I face.
CPR in scrubs
"Son!!!!" a crude voice reverberated at the background.
As I turned I thought 'Son????? :O' "Yes Sir!"
"Can you tell me what courses are offered during the first year of medicine?" and he gestures to a girl sitting on the nearby patio to join the discussion.
'Woah!!!! P R E T T Y...... (and I was about to salivate on the open) She is too beautiful to be his daughter' "Sorry sir! I am not into medicine"I replied as I watched his daughter walk towards us.
"My mistake son. Thought you were a doctor looking at your scrubs", he apologized sincerely for disturbing my day dreaming.
Smiling genuinely at him (and a li'l bit at the girl in a different way) "That's fine sir. I use it in my lab during my experiments"
Smiling in return with a li'l puzzle in his forehead, "Thank you son. Good, that you don't have a steth on your neck. Someone might really take you for granted and might ask you to help out" and he slowly started walking away with his girl.
Was it, the beauty of the girl or was it boredom in life, I don't know, I just blurted out the most stupid joke/attempt, just to make the girl turn back.
Smiling with a tone I blurted, "I did do a CPR course. So, if 'YOU' get a heart attack on the road, I can help you out sir....."
His smile turned immediately to 'Huh.... You want me to get a heart attack? Psycho.....' look and his face reddened, "Excuse me????"
Reading his facial expression, I decided to leave the ground with a 'woooooosh' sound. But somehow, my eyes compassed to his daughter and there I noticed a small beautiful smile on the joke.
I gave her a wide sheepish smile, and said to her dad, "I said, I can do CPR on you, if you get a heart attack by any chance" and gave a confident stand.
I expected something hard from him, but he just replied, "Thanks son! I'll make sure I get a heart attack in your presence" and walked away laughing
I gaped at his funny man to the earth attitude and just walked in the other direction.....
And then I accepted the fact that the man did deserve a pretty daughter like her!!!
Ice Ice Baby....
Now, with 'ice' a major reagent to alleviate my pain, I had no other option but to generate some ice in the lab (or to break open the office room to access the ice machine). A strange sense of madness crept into the mind of this so called graduate scientist.
Minutes between my experiment, when I have to wait for three minutes, I decided to use the same zip lock bag and DI water to prepare some ice. Now, the important factor was, "I don't have the time to wait for the water to freeze in the lab refrigerator into ice". Lucky for me, there was some left over liquid nitrogen in the other lab. Tried to use it for freezing the water. But "Crap... The pressure was playing its part with the freezing point of water" A thick trash bag, a diaphragm parafilm and an old vacuum pump was all I used to generate low pressure.
A couple of minutes later - Eureka!!!!! Ice.....
A few strips of lab tape was all it took, to hold the zip lock bag with the ice, over my shoulder for at least an hour.
Things I learnt from this experiment:
1. Frozen ice made using liquid nitrogen - strangely has a longer melting period.
2. Zip Lock bags contract in liquid nitrogen and are brittle
3. Both the above points + strap-duct-taped Ice holder - hehehehehehehehehehehe hahahahahahahahahahahaha huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu, tickles tickles tickles tickles.... as the cold water trickles off the broken bag over your shoulder.... Brrrrrr..................
4. This experiment just made me work an extra half hour on my experiment and I have another 2 hours before this experiment ends, and then I've got to go home for dinner (about 3:15 "a.m"), have a 90 min nap before I wake up and drive the team to Dayton and face the toughest team in the league at 10:30 am (2 hr drive, 1 hr breakfast and 90 mins of pre game training).
About the team:
The guys just love to crush me to death.
1. When I bat during practice, the whole team's vocal strength, happiness level, alertness, muscular reflex and speed and above all comments on my skill goes exponential folds. They are one when I bat. I use it in big ways to improve their chemistry and to bring back a boredom filled practice back on track. So if you see me bat during practice, it means, its time for the guys to beat boredom and laziness.
2. Everyone is a LA Lakers fan. Lucky for me, I used it to my advantage and watched the 4th awesome comeback game of Celtics and had enough fun with the guys. I can't believe how much I poked each and everyone when the Celtics (yup.. Am a team work supporter and Celtics don't have a single man team) won after a 22 deficit from first half. And I can't believe how each and everyone supported every other player (and of course Kobe of Lakers) when I enraged a lone soldier war.
3. Each and everyone likes to be in my car during an away game coz I allow them to sleep while other drivers insist that everyones awake coz they don't drowse off during the drive.
4. Every bowler throws the ball before he bowls, coz they feel am blessed and that might get them the wicket (Even I believe it sometimes)
5. These few cricket months are the only time when I'm not called Anna or Bhai or any other thing. I'm one among them. Just makes life easier to live in.....
Living between two possibilities had never been an attitude I preferred. But, situations just like the 'IFs' makes one stay in the sandwich zone at least once in their life. Now, the real question is, how long will this pursuit lengthen to? However long it may take, I prefer to cherish and enjoy it.
Till then it's time to sleep among the cow herds.......
Screw Up the Screw Up
Well, I'm also from one of those rare breeds of sixth sensed mammals from naughty apes who has this interest in picking up gravel from construction piles and start throwing stones at aimed telephone poles, pots, etc. But with the lower back problems seeming to age me twice as fast as I can cell multiply, I had to quit this practice of mine for quite a while. Fortunately, the constance of exercising a simple routine enabled me, to control my back problems. And the recent weekend camping trip, proved a vital testing ground to check on my back problems. Hiiiggghhhhyyyyaaaa!!! My back felt awesome and fine even after lifting loads of friends, sitting in a cramped up navigator seat (yes, for a change I didn't drive the car), canoing against the wind upstream, etc.
So, with the recent improvement in health (the back is back), my interests in picking up a stone and spiraling it into the sky seemed a perfect temptation. As I walked past the construction area, my eyes saw this glittering piece of rock so finely crafted that, instantly, I dropped my shoulders down, bent my hip, picked up the stone in a two step march, and focused my eyes on a pole about 20 meters in front of me. Thanks to the cold I developed from the camping trip, and the head down position, my lachrymal glands tickled a bit and out gushed foggy tears that blinded me. Strange thing was that I was already 90% done on my effort to hit the pole, and the momentum just let go of my arm and there the stone swirled at an F1 pace towards the pole.
As both my fore fingers were busy trying to squish the tears out of my eyes, I heard a sound so familiar that my brain conveyed the message "Oh OHH! Did I just break a glass" I opened my eyes and saw that the car parked about another 20 meters behind the pole had a cracked right front window. "Crap!!!! Just hope it's no the stone" and I walked near the car. Those few seconds I literally prayed that it was not my mistake. A couple of feet away from the car, I noticed again the glitter on the stone - the same stone. "You too Stonus!!" Wrath at you
"To walk or not to walk unnoticed" was the next big question, but eventually I ended up writing "Sorry for breaking your car window. Do call me. I'll pay for the repairs. Thanks - Harry"
About half way down the walk I reran the note in my mind and immediately my pupils dilated, I froze, then came back to senses, laughed, and nodded in disbelief for not writing my contact no in the note. PS, I laughed for using my American name to make things easy for the conversation. "My rotten routine screw up luck - I just love it" :D
Off the rotten luck: Just now, I had my third century of sneezes. Feels so happy to know that I can also get sick. Culprit - I've been sleeping too much now a days and that's screwing up my immune system (And I better go to the medical cafetaria and have soup after finishing this blog).The soups in the cafetaria are just perfect for my cold. It kept me focused for three whole days already.
My team just screwed up big time against the weakest team in the tournament and that means, I can't take a vacation on game days again ever, and we need to win 5 out of 6 games to go into division 1 knock outs.
I hate lawyers who intervene and try messing up with me. Now, I need to wait another year (oops, next year is thesis time, so no chance), or two to get back on track and do some karting for my sponsoror cum manager cum mechanic. Truly saying, America is not a land of opportunities.
My head aches are back and the strange thing is it aches in shadowy places, but feels perfect under the scorching sun (am going back to 4/5 hr sleep cycles). Had unlimited injuries in the trip and that's very unusual.
Ek Lau & Phas Gaya from Aamir, Umeedain by Soch, and most of Del Amitri songs are running in loops. I want to see Kung Fu Panda one more time soon. Loved the escape of Tai Lung from the prison scene. Truly a masterpiece of imagination.
Risk and Chances
It's finally time to make a decision. It's rare to feel both the heart and the brain point towards the same choice. If my calculated risk goes wrong, then I lose for a while. I know myself very well and I'm pretty confident I'll bounce back to accomplish it someday in the distant future.
Eight of a few people (that's majority) want me to take this weekend trip and that includes 'myself' too. So, I'll take my chances and have some fun this weekend. Higher Fivers people coz am going on a camping trip this weekend. Ah... I wish I can do mountain climbing, and mountain biking too.
Things to jot down
Last Friday, I spent about an hour lying on the home pitch (cricket field) in complete darkness counting stars coz I was hell scared about the tournament. It's been long that I got captainship back and it felt a great deal after cording a great relationship with the team guys. From the heart, I'm neither the 'Cricket is Religion' nor the 'It's just a sport dude' kind of guy. After months of hard work, reading every skill of a team player, his background on studies and family (that might trouble his focus), their injury and stamina level, their compatibility with the hot weather, and a crap load of all other nuances of information and above all striking a tune of resonance with all, improving the team chemistry, I ought to be scared.
Saturday, I and Akki (the vice captain) both showed extreme shivers on the field while batting and both failed miserably. I scored a duck (after a long time) outta 5 balls (Can't believe that I froze my front foot in nervousness to an ordinary tempting ball) and to overcome my guilt of letting down the team, I gave more than a 100% to get two point blank extraordinary fast catches and a close call direct hit (ruled not out, but did throw the caution in the opponent on our fielding skills) to bring back the team into the game. Yet we lost since the team gave up hope half way into the opponents innings. Now, I need to rejuvenate their confidence level by boosting them in practices (which they showed excellently on Tuesdays practice)
One of the reasons I like going for these tournaments, is to have fun as we travel in the car for away games. This time, while returning, we forgot all about our loss and sang 'Chikku Bukku Railey' at the top of our lungs in 3 different languages and it felt very childish but awesome.
Had a tummy bursting laughter session with four awesome 65+ aged ladies while watching Sex and the City (I've never watched the TV version, but was pushed to see by my recently engaged sister-friend). The riot they caused with their walking sticks and shaky feet while moving down the seating rows was the pick of the week. Half way into the movie, one of the ladies just threw pop corn all over the adjacent rows in a frantic laughter session. Believe me, they might be 65, but they had hearts of sweet 16.
Spent a couple of hours of life walking through the various aisles of Walmart, and smile at nostalgic moments, and after Mach VI's oil change, I thoroughly enjoyed the car wash (was a complete kid singing la la la alone inside the car for an unknown song :D)
With the gas prices proving to keep me at bay, yesterday's 3 hour long(est) drive with my engaged sister (She sold her Petta Cruiser - her car and yesterday was the last night with it), proved out to be stress relieving. PS, I say engaged sis coz, I've been pulling hers and her hubby's leg a lot. She's all bubbly and shy and it's all making us laugh a lot.
I promised my colleague friend that I'd do the usual meditation for 8 days once I wake up (which I haven't done yet) and finally hold up to my professional life. Seriously, I haven't given 100% commitment to my research recently and it feels guilty. I need to work on it right away and all I need to do is just think for once.
Been lately acting on impulse and yesterday gave a dozen roses to a pretty friend coz I missed her smile. Too bad, I wasn't there to see her 'Huh????' smile on her doorstep coz of some darn work. With my ex roomie engrossed in his work life and she leaving soon too, I don't have anyone else, to whom I give first preference at. Desperately want to be with both of 'em and the rest of the gang, this weekend. But I'm still not sure about my availability.
Completed watching Bones Season 3 and yet another time, my forensic geeky knowledge has proved to make me figure out the murderer and the way the clues are thrown all over the season. Scrubs season 2 is really rocking coz this one's all about messages in personal life. Everyone in the house (except me) are mimicking characters from Scrubs and I can't stop laughing about it.
My bro bought me a Blackberry 8110 and that my dear friends is very special. PS, it's his birthday that's coming up and I get a gift. Ah... Good ol younger brother protected by the BIG BRO days. :( I'm missing my nephew and his gooey kisses.....
Finally completed 15 mins worth of household accounts after 2 weeks of planning (Damn - I'm becoming lazy), still got to clean my room, chase some roaches with bug spray and kill 'em the 007 style, climb up the apartments roof and have moon light dinner one night, carpent a modern art shelf (don't ask me what's it gonna look like. I'll post the pic as soon as I finish that work) to hold some of my stuff and finally get an apt apartment to live the next year and half to come.
The tip just looks as scary as the submerged iceberg. Start melting the tip and the lesser I need to worry on the submerged portion....... (Jus another wacky statement from me....