Thank you. 07's finally over
Silence…. And click.
Well that’s one of the worst things I’ve done in 07. I wish I never picked up his call or understood the reasons of what happened in 07. The one resolution for 08: Drapes dropped.
Current state – WTF. Who cares?
I just spent half an hour writing this entry.
It all started with Christmas eve, spent on watching two great movies, riding to a restaurant and seeing everyone flirting selfless with the new Latino Indian-look alike girl. A follow up of laughter sequels made pearls of tears flowing out of everyone’s eyes and pain in the stomach. A power nap and a crummy shower tunneled me into a rush and finally made it on time to reach downtown for Christmas celebration. Fortunately I wasn't too early to see the morning prayers. 'OK. Time to clarify things'. I meant 'fortunately', not coz for missing the prayers, but I had this splendid morning gift of watching the kids, of all ages, color, nationality, language and of course even religion to play under the downtown Christmas tree. An hour over there, and then a dash to filling tranquility made the morning all full. Every stranger I met, I wished Merry Christmas, and today I had smile from their hearts rather than the usual clichéd statement 'How's it going?'
Came back home and was happy to see all my roomies, their friends and my bro all sitting and checking mails in their respective laptops. A recap of Friends and a very short minuty nap is what I had then. As Christmas was high in the air, I decided to ask them if they are ready to hit Chicago to see the celebrations. Everyone agreed and a brainstorm of what and when to leave ended up in jokes. With one of my roomies’ job, at stake we finally decided to birr with enthusiasm to Louisville River walk. Before we left, I had a chance to see my nephew opening his gifts (our first time with him for Christmas coz I missed it last year busy going to India), called Coach and ended up getting the latest scan of his soon to be born. “It’s no more a pea. It’s a boy”
Two cars, cruising at top notch on Christmas day on an average 95 mph, set me and my nephew up on the river walk just on time. Playing almost an hr with my nephew, my bro, and my best friends made the evening more than just perfect. The repeated 'Uh Oh's' as sung by my nephew, carrying him on my shoulder all the way, we jumping like monkeys on the sight chairs, bro having fun and laughing as if he saved this laughter for years, all kept me at bay (I did wanna dive into the river with joy rising way high in the air). It was a great feeling. Then we drove to Shalimar which being closed made us treat our tummies with the delicious Chinese food (Buffet). Awesome food, awesome envi and at last everyone talking in Chinese reading from their respective fortune papers (we even asked the waitress to give the right pronunciation), kept us lively. Strangely I got the fortune 'You will achieve success this year', which made me throw my previous fortune of my wallet and add this as the new one. Then we all returned home.
With the brain, saying 'Christmas is done', the heart itched a lot. Somehow, I managed to sit at the rear of another friend’s car and enjoy the fast ride through US 68. With the other 3 scared of the hairpins and sudden U's, I thoroughly enjoyed the drive and even managed to teach my friend some tricks on fast riding on tough roads. We even turned down the lights and ride at 55 mph on curvy spots. A stop near the river, a 'wow' moment at the dark forest brightened by the full moon and stars and some funny chit chat made it all perfect. Once I reached home, I just lay on the floor and continued watching Friends and I never knew when my eyes cheated on me. The last time I slept with my glasses was in 06 December, the day before two of my old roomies left for their successful future.
But saying all this, now sitting on my lab chair, I feel a lil awkward. Instead of cherishing the moment and carrying on with my work, I feel unexplainably different. As the Bard would say, lies the rub – Time to work on and enjoy 08. That's ??? (Damn! I forgot to ask what name they are gonna give him) in the pic. I'd put the downtown glories of little warriors in some other post.
Ho Ho Ho is all I need now....
Calculating. Destination: Texas – Houston, Austin, San Antonio, Corpus Christi Island, Dallas.
“Why don’t we go somewhere for New Year?” Recalculating……..
“Yup, I’ll also come”, Recalculating……..
“Hey man, how about a plan for New Year?” Recalculating……..
“I am in da” Recalculating……..
“Machi I’d love to join you guys” Recalculating……..
“No probs Hari. Am in” Recalculating……..
“Machi I am leaving to India on the 2nd afternoon. Give me 12 hrs to get ready for the flight” Recalculating……..
“Looks tight da” Recalculating……..
“Budget should be lesser Hari” Recalculating……..
“I’ve got work, not sure if I can make it” Recalculating……..
“Friday should be fine” Recalculating……..
“Am not sure. Am the only girl” Recalculating……..
“Jet skiing and parasailing” Recalculating……..
“New Year at Austin” Recalculating……..
“I won’t come if he couldn’t make it” Recalculating……..
“If he won’t then even I would drop” Recalculating……..
“Am definitely dropping. Yet not sure” Recalculating……..
“Am the only person who doesn’t know both languages” Recalculating……..
“OPT ra” Recalculating……..
“Long drive man” Recalculating……..
“Tiresome man” Recalculating……..
“Schedule might be tight” Recalculating……..
“I need a separate room” Recalculating……..
“You guys pulled me in” Recalculating……..
“What about me?” Recalculating……..
“Am not sure ra” Recalculating……..
“No. You guys carry on. I’ll be fine staying alone for New Year” Recalculating……..
“No way two cars” Recalculating……..
“9 is hard man in the van” Recalculating……..
“Am dropping ra. Same reasons” Recalculating……..
“8 means am in” Recalculating……..
Puff!!!!..... The GPS smoked. Destination: Lost……
Yup! A month of toiling my brains out for a plausible option of assembling all the puzzle blocks finally ended, with one puzzle lost in the jumble. Hope, I didn’t become the missing pillar puzzle. Hope, is all I have amidst the force of guilt. Though am not entirely satisfied with the decision I’d taken, it definitely, shall pave way for a better future. Good thing: Management and networking skills went up by a margin. “You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans” - Life is Worth Losing. Adding to it, ‘And the best part is, I was not one of them’.
Other random/common things happening in life:
Taare Zameen Par Title song just overtook Yuhi Chala in my all time favorites. Is it just me or the world? Nobody uploaded Mushkil Kushaa from Dus Kahaaniyaan in Youtube. Siru Parvaiyalee from Bheema and Unnarugayil from Kaloori are still ranking the tops for two weeks. Hinder - Lips of an Angel, Strings - Anjaane and Jhoomo Re - Yaar Sajan keeps on blaring as I walk.
My first edit of the paper had on an average 2 corrections per page (I did a great job and am all energized). Had my first ride of a Harley. Had my first night out with all roomies yesterday (including my bro) and it was all in my room (no restaurant finally). Just learnt, that I use the word ‘Angha’ (as in fencing) for representing rain to my friends. I miss biking in winter. Saw Charlie Wilson’s War (not recommended for people who don’t know about how Afghanistan), National Treasure (Bullshit! The first part was awesome), Russell Peters full show in Canada and listened to Life is Worth Losing (Bill Cosby is still the best). Played ‘Wild Goose Chase’ from IIML's Manfest (Thanks Soorji). Was lazy enough to hit the couch not once but thrice for sleeping and now I can feel my back muscles tightened. And finally, locked doors fine, but no lights in the department coz it’s a day before Christmas stumbled me (really I did stumble over my own foot in the dark). What am I doing in the lab, when it’s all deserted? Ah, one more, for you Abhi – (Partial Tag): I don’t like watching James Bond movies, but I like a lot watching Sean Connery acting. :D
Oh boy! NY is in 10 days
Science of Hugh Grant
Probably increased the probability
12/11 a day on the list
Tired astronauting Tranquility, I opened my apt door, waiting to lie on my floor bed and start typing the finalized version of my paper. Instead I see, two roomies sitting far apart from each other, one sipping tea and the other having his hand on his forehead – unlikely of his funny side. Instead of me, right away start cleaning the mess my dexterous nephew hurricaned, I sat on my bed waiting for either of them to start discussing. The first few sentences indicated how clueless they were and instead of ‘thinking’ over the issues, I started ‘sinking’ with their worries.
The few happy faces we had met in a month, made us ‘soustand’ how pathetic we are living our lives (that’s how it all started). A series of random cribbing from an extremely confused dual degree candidate on the way his courses are taking control of his life at this age, from the pillar of support about his job search and signs of his personal failures he had over the recent few months and of course, my silence speaking volumes about my current life all made the yellow bulb of our room seem dimmer the moment. Slowly drifting to other pathetic people who are complete losers (at least that’s what they think), who never understand what real happiness they have beside them, we asked ourselves the question of ‘Why don’t we just admit our defeats and return to India?’ Thanks to the ‘we stand on the knife edge not giving in or out of our troubles’ proverb from shorty, we slowly recovered from our misery.
Slowly the guys made me at least drip out instead of pouring, the real reasons behind my thanksgiving journey to Columbus, me explaining the reason of ‘why I avoid certain group of people’ for which my roomies gave awesome reasons which only an ESP reader can have guessed. The moments when every now and then I kissed my outdated laptop after cursing its existence in my life, explaining the way I think Tranquility as fun instead of cursing my decision to moonwalk it, the faces of ‘sorry’ they kept, the jokes I shared from Tranquility which made them ‘soustand’ that I’m a much different person than I used to be even months ago, all made the rhythm scale rise from 0 to 5.
With me, getting happier the moment, happier the day after the resolutions I took control of, the one question on my strange behavior of avoidance/nonchalance with particular common friends made me go for a full stop. Instead of just avoiding the need for me to answer them, or to complain about others opinion on my character, I just admitted the fact that ‘I get choked when I see friends getting choked coz of my presence. I’m just analyzing and rebuilding my character so that I never get choked again.’
Thanks to the sudden crib started by the funny lad, I wasn’t choked anymore for the moment. Eventually, we ended up discussing about running back to India, start our very own business, share duties in the job and make big names into the future. With an hour and a half wasted, with every precious minute looming out to be ‘C’ or even ‘F’ grades for my roomies and a ‘deadline not reached’ for my paper, we slowly started to sit in silence waiting for the discussion to end. But as always, the funny roomie, asked me to hook him up with a chic I’ve networked. A laughter followed by departure to our respective laptops and books was what we did.
But today was different; all 3 of us didn’t wanna give up this moment we shared and with all the mature crib we shared, we decided to bask in the memory we created moments ago. I started looking at my paper, the deadline I promised voluntarily to my advisor, and the option of continuing the talk in hand and ‘Fuck this’ was what I told to myself and I asked my roomies of the option of going to Denny’s and eventually after several thoughts and more ‘Fuck the exam’ we decided to go for it.
What happened today in Denny’s, is the core change we all have been waiting for. All 3 of us thinking of the plan of spending New Year by camping in some dense forest, not worrying about the real moment the year starts, no phone calls, not even thinking that a year arrived, made us all go silent towards the car. Inside, there started the rap from shorty, when I and funny buddy just retrospecting in sleep.
Denny’s we reached after nearly a month – a place where we 3 just crib cherishing our food. But today was much different. The real maturity in us started with the reason behind the rap shorty does – to throw out anger and stress in rap words and eventually putting forth the question ‘Why do we use filthy language when we are angry?’ A eventual hypothesis from me, a proof of truth from shorty and finally funny exclaiming, ‘I really love your CRAP’ indicating the way I gut the words ‘Crap’ ‘Shit’ ‘Fuck this’, etc. Then don’t know how we ended up talking about the facial expressions funny does to show empathy and sincere listening. A boisterous laughter on the facial expressions eventually made Brooke come for the order. Poor Brooke, shorty literally raped her with his anguish filled questions on what does a miniburger contain?
Coming back to foul language, we ended up talking about our teenage days and puberty and all about the stuff we did in order to understand sex. Though it looks very pervert for even discussing about stuff related to sex, all 3 of us were happy on the fact that we’ve became bonded close enough to talk about the strangest things we did in our past. Seriously we spoke about sex and puberty for an hour and a half. The wide branch of things we spoke today, showed how much we have encountered, to stand up strong in this filthy world. All 3 of us were feeling like Kings who solely fought the world of rotten minds.
The other great thing we realized was, though shorty and funny were friends for ‘exactly’ 7 and ‘approximately’ 6 years, it was only with I, that funny likes listening to stories I shared to him with the word ‘mom’ playing the main role. A year back, he flinched or avoided any discussion related to the word mom since he was motherless. It made me happy that now I have yet another great friend who likes being with me and wanting to comfort him.
It was 3 in the morning and the milkshake was licked to moisture, the ticket was at the center of the table, but we decided to spend more time drinking just water. Mature enough to quit on anymore sex talk, we slowly drifted into question mode. ‘Why do women in general don’t take things as a joke?’ ‘Will I ever get a job I’ll like?’ ‘How did we lose track of our other roomies?’ ‘Why are we spending so much money on food everynight?’ ‘Why are we not even cooking food in the new house?’ and eventually the question we never wanted to put today – ‘Will we still be in touch with each other once we leave?’ all made us instead of answering, just silenced our way out of cribbing. This time the silence was shattered by funnys question ‘Will I ever fall in love or will any girl like me, not like that like, but like love like?’ Instead of we all laughing on his way of putting statements, for the first time, we all remained calm and in thought. With he mulling over his question, I and shorty were sighing on the question ‘Why did we fall in love?’ The pile up of emotion made shorty to put the final question – ‘Which is harder? Not experiencing something that you always knew existed or Experiencing what existed, but trying to find an answer for why it existed?’ Those 2 long minutes of silence among 3 recently very close mid 20 aged friends definitely proved the true maturity in us guys. We shared thoughts, gave privacy to each ones emotion and still cared about the others opinion and questions.
With Brooke watching our empty water glasses, I broke the silence, ‘Any backup plans like Friends?’ ‘I wanna be hooked up with some girl before my masters?’ – funny insisted. After a short conversation about my network of friends, the under grads who hit me, incidents of opportunities we maturely avoided and much more, we decided to leave. The long drive to Youngs library for a print out, I and shorty waiting in the car, listening to Tose Naina Lagey from Anwar and watching lots of girls walking out of the library packed with last min exam preps with photographic eyes and still sitting silently cherishing the silence spoke volumes of the bonding we had developed in the few days we went out in search of answers which we never intended to find in the first place.
A short nap and back to Tranquility, a mail of finely asking for an extension on the voluntary deadline, and a nap to rejuvenate for more happy moments of silence, was all I did after the new Denny’s we visited. As I wrote this blog, shorty entertained me with food, and funny to avoid the fact that he did a pathetic work on his exam, just played with his birthday radio controlled toys and made me laugh. 11th December 07, has occupied the list of unforgettable days in my life and truly, madly and deeply would stand out to be one of those days that changed the way I saw life and succeeded.
“Gone were the days of togetherness, when we were just roomies. Here are the days of departure when we are more than just friends”
Strike me Oh Lightning
Now, all I do is laugh on the fact - some friends notice only my actions, coz I never had, have or 'might' have the freedom to express my true self in language. No blame on anyone. It is sheer coincidence that I ended up making friends with a group of great people whose mother tongue is the one language that I just learned for credit. Moments were there, when my brother who had an average D or E on his Hindi exams (in fact by watching Hindi movies right from childhood) spoke better and fluent Hindi than my fellow roomies who grew with Hindi speaking friends. On the other hand, I, being a four time Hindi elocution winner and 3 time essay writing topper, ended up swallowing 80% (am generously not giving 90%) Hindi words most of the time. Blame it on 'lack of interest' or on 'poor vocabulary building', the damage is done. I'm considered (at least from self recognition) as a terrible speaker of the Hindi language and the only thing I do now a days is, listen to the colloquial jargon and laugh at the fun they are sharing.
After all these years of sticking to ‘never quit’ attitude on anything I have taken, it shouldn’t take long enough for me to actually master the vocabulary and the grammar. But the facts - I can never ‘even’ be an amateur in the colloquial social slang and the most important fact of me having recent 'forgetting words' problems going (even English and sometimes Tamil and Telugu), I guess I don't have the motivation to learn the language. Believe me or not, it ain't easy to just continue talking in a language which you learnt as a course, even when friends don't mind about your grammar, etc. It might be easy for them to smile and grit their teeth listening to me murdering the national language, but at moments you realize that, you don't remember the exact word you need to express, or you’re not sure of the tense or the gender. Psychologically I'm muted instantaneously and I prefer that dumbness.
With this in mind, let me put forth my theory of ‘why am I considered crazy?’ First of all, there might be readers mistaking me, for being a lil harsh on my friends and blaming them calling me crazy. Well, sometimes, a greeting on your birthday just says big deals about people’s thoughts. The only time I am considered existing in the room (though I shouldn't use the word 'only' here, I tend to imply the importance of being ‘mentally’ noticed with the word), is when the topic is on some global or local issue, like education, science, patriotism, etc. Believe me people don't mind the language one uses when they wanna really know what's behind the debate (seriously a moment ago, I forgot the word debate. What the hell is wrong with me?). When it comes to facts, my voice unfortunately forces others to believe that I’m dominant, never giving into, uncaring, of his own style debater.
Now I put forth the second opinion/theory. Every time, I end up going on trips with the multilingual gang, I, being the odd person out (sometimes it’s not the language, its the age. One year younger juniors tend to use me as a guide, as a protector and of course as a driver and photographer and not even consider me for a group photo), end up psychologically muted. The result – an idle mind is a devils playground and to avoid the ‘involuntary self denial of being the loner’ in psychological terms, apparently unconsciously to break the boredom or even the odd feeling of being the 'odd man out' I end up doing some action (which at any point, I feel safe enough to be tried), that seems to be crazy 'FOR OUR AGE'. Seriously if I was 8 or even 14, none of my current actions would seem daring to my fellow friends of the same age. Looking at my nephew I understand that, never as kids we considered about safety or things that we must face 'if' something bad happens. The word 'if' definitely takes the fun out of most actions. But as always everybody have their own opinion on safety and I do calculate for potential risks and safety.
Without me even asking how they felt, my roomies, who are well versed in Hindi, also felt a lil uncomfortable today speaking with the group of friends now we commonly share. Me especially a firm supporter of my country and its unity, felt for the first time, really bad about the diversity we have in our mother land. So far in my life, I’ve never seen a south Indian making a mockery of the expressions north Indians have (never had seen anyone hurting one’s feelings). But how come it’s the other way round, when people monkey the ‘Iyer’ language? First of all I feel really bad, in even classifying Indians as north and south. What’s with all the ‘Enna Rascola. Mind it!’ going in the Indian community. I wish I can get my hands on the guy who got this mind it script ready.
Anyway still sticking on to my resolution of not cribbing, I’m happy that, in spite of me being pathetic with the language, I’d won hearts in the Hindi community to be still called upon for opinions, help or outings. Other than that, J’s been really learning a lot of words from me and yet settles with the mmmm, mmmmm, amamamamamama, babaaa, vavai words, I working on my first first author paper, writing all my crazy incidents I encountered during the week like Shadow Sneaker, Puddle Pedal and Paper Marks. Well Carrots to the rescue had a wonderful story to follow from yesterday’s unlikely events. But instead of me getting angry on people always finding a way to complain/advice about my dietary habits and making myself write a crib post, I’ll take the blame, stick on to my resolutions and instead be happy over the fact that, people care a lot about my health. And for the lightning - don't ask me, why I felt that.. I personally have no clue.
Delicious Idea - Sigh/Woo Hoo???
Advisor: Definitely no time to talk! Just kidding! Let’s discuss briefly.
Blah Blah Blah Blah…….. (Contents of the conversation not that important to anyone outside my research field – that’s the world without me and my advisor. But, definitely a great discussion.)
Advisor: So that’s it! Let’s wrap it up and have it targeted for New Year.
Me: Great! So how did the defense go?
Advisor: It was a great job and I expect one similar from you. Or even better. (Me: Sighing with confidence actually). Anyway I gave a talk today in the xyz (don’t remember the name – I hate these memory blanks). These guys wanted our research in the food language. (Shows me the title of our research with words milk, etc)
Advisor: (Laughing finally out of his sleep)
Me: You should have told them that using our research ‘We can prepare plastic surfaces which are non adhesive to cakes and creams so that you can have the whole cake without scraping of the surface any leftovers’
Advisor: (pause…… Longer pause…. Now his hand going to his chin. Me thinking ‘Oh Oooo’ He is thinking… Don’t say anything… Pleaseeeee….. My smile started to fade off)
Advisor: (breaks the pause, types something and) That’s a ‘Delicious Idea’! Can you just put it in technical words and submit a report along with your other proposals?
Me: (Confused.. Should I take it as good luck or an evil sarcasm), Yup! Definitely! You called it a ‘Delicious Idea’ (mocking him, smiled). I can’t say no to that!!!
Advisor: (smiles wholeheartedly)…Thanks then…
Me: Yup. Catch you later. Enjoy the weekend. Just in case. I’d be coming to the lab at nights for the paper and the proposals.
I left the room shaking my head (was it nodding in agreement or disapproval, I don’t remember)….
Winter walks are also fun
Decide by Drawing Straws
With a really well elaborated report, which included preliminary experiments, dead lines, expected results, issues to be taken under consideration, potential outcomes, technical influences and a last minute self drawn biomedical nanodevices using paint – all made the idea perfect. The term ‘gut feeling’ really did its job. The two hour meeting finally ended up with a high note, especially with a ‘go for it’ on the ‘Straw System’. This could well be the start I’d been waiting long for. All I need to accomplish is to achieve the final step in my current project, wait for my senior lab mate to get his setup worked up, and give the system to me.
Every step involved in the process is going to be very critical from now on, and it is high time that I stand up to the challenge once more. With two more side projects, I’ve voluntarily accepted to go for; all I need now is a couple of undergrads working for me. The next one month definitely holds the key for getting some undergrads. If you really wanna know where the ‘Straw System’ got its idea from, then the next time you get a straw with the paper cover, try pushing the paper cover of the straw from the top, to the bottom making it into a spring like collapsed object. Now remove it from the straw, add drops of water to it and observe how it grows.
Reason's what YOU want!!!
A longer pit stop on a deserted rest area, a little snug with the two comforters I brought from home and a blaring alarm, was all it took for me to dash to the summit, where a beautiful peek of the sun behind the giants was cherished. A repeated thunderbolt stunt with the manual on the 25 mph curvy roads, and a smooth drive through the leafless forest made the day just perfect.
Believe me or not, the above two narrations is what I’ve been planning to do (planning started 2 months ago) in the Great Smokies on the 29th and 30th of November. This definitely (with 100% self acceptance), is the craziest idea one can think of for ones birthday. But the perspectives are always different from one person to the other. For me, this was THAT one day, when I can actually do what I wished for, without any commitments or knots. The plan was perfect. I’d asked well in advance, for my car from my brother, and requested him to take an off for the day, so that I can leave Thursday night and return early Saturday morning. With absolutely zero force, I’ve made him decide to take the bus, since he couldn’t get an off for both the days. He even managed to set beside his personal stuff for this day.
Phase II of the plan was to make sure that I can go for it. I’d saved enough money to actually pay for the gas (even considered the perks in gas price as the month ended, checked the price of gas in Tennessee), planned pit stops, food to take, where to buy the favorite chicken sandwich in Gatlinburg and a lot of other things that would make my trip just perfect. Just to make sure that I’m not misunderstood for a ‘poverty stricken’ lad or a ‘total miser’, I’d say that I’ve just cleared $1800 debt in one month and that too from a zero balance account, still making sure that my brother, nephew, my close friends and of course myself were well in course of a happy life. And this had been going on for about 3 months. With the money saved, phase II was complete by the 24th.
Anyway coming back to the dream day, I’d even worked early enough to finish my reports and take the day off on Friday. But as it always goes with me and my trip plannings, I had to quit on the idea just days before the trip. The reason is my advisor just postponed the monthly meeting to the 30th instead of the 28th. Grrrrrr. I spoke to him and asked him if he would be ready to do the meeting on at least the 29th so that I can still make it as I had planned (everybody is in your favor on ur birthday in general). The shifted group meeting was Strike 3 and I was out of the plan.
‘I want to be alone from all the things’, was never the reason for this solitude plan of mine, but it was because I wanted to prove myself in a much stronger way that, I can be selfish. But a little guilt of using ‘my birthday’ as a way to prove myself finally, threw me off guard and I blurted to my advisor that I’ll attend both the group and monthly meeting on the 30th (Damn it!). An idle mind is always the devil’s playground. A little relaxation during the holiday and Wham! I went retrospection. Spit here and spit there, sight of restlessness and yelling from your no 1 supporter & friend, and an offering of money, that too from my parents and a few close friends made me realize the fact that, ‘I’ve been misunderstood for a pathetic state’ There were moments before when I tell my friends that I’ve got 10 grand debt to those who crib about their debts (which is always much lesser than even half of what I owe to people I haven’t even seen). When I say, ‘I’ve got 10 grand in debt’ with a smile (which people droop not to notice), it means that I’m doing really AWESOME in clearing it and that in your case, it ain’t a big deal. These and certain other incidents has really brought my self esteem down (at least in others perspective). I’m 24 and as any winner would say, ‘I stand strong and independent and I can very well take care of myself’ ‘I’m no beggar, and I always pay back with interest, be it friends or outsiders’ With one really crushed self esteem, a little guilt, and a retrospect limelighting that I haven’t achieved anything good in the last year made me keep my mouth shut.
Wednesday night, I was literally shot with a zillion questions of reasons behind my adamancy of not wanting to have a birthday party from my roomies and close friends. Finally they understood that I wasn’t kidding and left me to sleep in discomfort. This was that one moment I felt pressure after a realllly looooong time.
The idea of going to red river gorge (still had a chance to prove my selfishness) between meetings was all dropped the moment, I got a phone call from a friend asking me for songs the day before my meetings. After all the hiding and misinformation I gave on my birth date, I understood that there had been plans of a surprise party. Fortunately and for the first time in this case, unfortunately I have too many friends and a surprise party from a set of friends alone, would really make a lot of people angry (and it did). In minutes I dropped all my plans and just walked back to my apartment. The laughter I gave my friend on the phone which continued during the walk, made significance of how bad a loser I was then in terms of being selfish.
Half an hour later the surprise happened, cake no 1 disappeared into the mist of happy friends I had over my apt, phone call from ‘the dude’ which made me realize that I forgot to take my birth date of facebook (it did mean a lot, Thanks man), dinner with the closest friends who had ever questioned the integrity of my lifestyle and character, one hell of a lengthy online chat with my roomie, who was sitting in the other room, and making his best to convince me of my feelings, a 3 hour nap before the big meeting, a 2 hr meeting where I finally sold several ideas for potential collaborative side projects and a final go on the long awaited paper, cake no 2 massacred coz I was threatened to be killed coz of my furtive plans with a bunch of juniors, a power nap which nearly made me miss my group meeting (how angry would I’ve been if I had missed it coz this was the reason I cancelled all my plans in the first place), a nearly childish show by my advisor singing happy birthday to me in front of the lab (but it was funny to watch him do it), me teaching my nephew on how to sing birthday song, he dancing and humming for the song, good moments I had in ages with my brother, moving a dresser from his old house, a farewell party with the cricket team (I’m gonna miss you all for the coming season. All the very best guys for all your endeavors) where I got the birthday kicks in the back (guys, its no joke when I shout that my back hurts. The bum, is never a problem), an on the moment meeting with my good colleague friend and his roomie friends, a quick bite with them, a jolt back to the farewell party, sneaking out of the party once I felt, that I’m starting to steal the graduates thunder, my first ride in the University bus (some funny moments with a bunch of ‘I am McLovin’ undergrads), a third cake cut with my ‘mutually happy’ friends, a little anger from most of them, a little sorry from me, a sudden idea of a drive to somewhere, ending up in IHOP where I cursed my resolution of no more syrup (IHOP has 6 different syrups and u can mix them as u need and this is the first time I’ve been to IHOP), a walk to Speedway, buying a donut, a matchstick and a heart smiling birthday moment to myself and a hell lot of angry phone calls the entire day just completed my first day of being 24. The one suprise I had in the entire day was that I found zero friends or family who really believed me, smiled and didn't mind at my idea of a non party mood birthday.
I seriously don’t know how to conclude this long blog. I’m just keeping it as a reminder for years. Any statement I write now on this blog shall be read with different perspectives by different people. So to conclude I shall just put the last line I gave my roomie during our online chat ‘If there is a reason for everything happening, then definitely there’s everything happening for a reason – the reason has always been what 'you' want for the most. In my case the reason is to succeed in life’