Indian Ameri


Misery of Sanity

Echoed among the walls;
His laughter reverberating heartbeats,
Grapplers dancing in the air;
Excitement filled his eyes.

Like the lightning in the sky;
His voice turned to cry,
Fists annealing to pummel barriers;
Vision paired at the roofed sky.

Welcomed the next personality;
His mumbles cooed the brick box,
Pandavas of the arm clasping in prayer;
The rivers of pain brimmed his apples.

Silence appeared from the settling dust;
Tremors of the prison bars sapped,
Palms opened in the blessing liturgy;
His orbs of vision shining of the rainbow.

Hankering for an inner voice;
Vox populi of reasoning failed me again,
Fingers enshrouded the questionable crow’s foot;
My winks of confusion flickered of the butterfly.

Art of expression I had forfeited;
Being sane in the macrocosm of pseudo,
Penned were my emotions of conscience;
Long have I wished of his autarchy…

Insane are the only sane;
In the world of expressed emotions,
I wish I can be him or,
Be myself……

H2S (Meaning of the poem in the second comment)
posted by Hariharasudhan Cd at Tuesday, March 27, 2007 5 comments

Good Tipping

Jumping one black square at a time
The six year old queen
Reached the corner table
She leaned her back to the wall

Gazing around the restaurant
She saw the sticker on the table
‘Good tipping’
She smiled at it and waited

The waitress came for the order
Exuberant with joy, the queen asked
How much is a chocolate sundae?
2.99 with a smiling face
The Vanilla Sundae?
2.89 fading smile
The.. the…. Third one under sundaes?
2.85 harsh words
How about the milkshakes?
2.80 anger blurted
Fruit punch? words subdued
2.69 hatred
Lemonade? Words swallowed
2.25 and you better take it.

Head down she said ‘OK’
Salivating, she waited
The waitress addressed another gentleman
He had food for $ 40
She slammed the ‘ade at the girl

Cherished every sip of it
Queen smiled all way long
Jingled the pennies, nickels and quarters
Made a humm to the jingles

Slurped the last drop
Clanked the coins over the table
Like the queen of chess jumping over white squares
With her curved smiled she left

The gentleman tipped 5 bucks
With the plastic smile
‘Have a nice day sir
Do visit again’

She came to the queens table
Noticed the sticker
She started crying the next moment
What was it??
There on the table lied
Two dollar bills, and a quarter

2 more quarters, couple of dimes
A nickel and 5 pennies
Lay aside over the words
‘Good tipping’

(In American restaurants if one tips 15% of his bill that means the food was great. Hats off to the chef, if its 13-15% then great service by the waitress, if it is less than 13% it means that you hated the place and you won’t come back to the restaurant. So next time think before you tip)
posted by Hariharasudhan Cd at Tuesday, March 20, 2007 5 comments


The shine in her eyes

The sun was at the horizon.
I sat on the park bench;
Wondering what it would be today,
Then I saw a silhouette.

An outline of a woman;
I moved aside to see her face,
She was beautiful;
She had a pit in her cheeks;
She seemed happy.

The baby on the carriage cried,
She made funny faces;
Mothers care was wonderful,
The baby smiled;
My camera clicked!

Then she started chatting;
With the other lady beside her,
They had fun laughing,
My camera clicked again!

Her other half arrived;
He gave her a gentle kiss,
She smiled;
Both played with the baby,
Clicked well!

Strangers to the park walked to her,
She greeted with her heart;
They shared thoughts;
The elderly people laughed with their stomachs,

The evening walkers waved a bye;
Her husband took the child for a stroll;
Her friend hugged her goodbye;
The sun sank below the horizon,
My fingers hesitated to click!

She waited,
I waited;
Her smiling face saw the sky,
Lost in thought;
The white curve dissolved;
There was only one shine in her face…

Her eyes shining brighter;
Than the rising moon,
Tears trickled;
My hands were steady with the camera;
My heart wasn’t…

Never clicked that moment,
Tears last longer in a frame,
Guilt rushed my eyes;
Sat next to her and said a hi,
She wiped her tears off…

She returned the favor;
“I like taking pictures.”
A question mark with her eyebrows,
I showed the clicked moments…

Confusion dehydrated her shine;
She liked the pictures,
I requested her one last favor;
“Can I take a picture of you crying?”

Saw the wrinkled forehead;
“Crying doesn’t suit your beauty”
Live dimples assured;
That it’s time for me to leave her in peace,
Anonymous I sank like the sun…

Clicked a thousand emotions;
On the way back home,
The dimple fairy touched me;
The ponder fairy cursed me;
For how long shall I carry my dimple?

posted by Hariharasudhan Cd at Sunday, March 18, 2007 3 comments


Where do I stand in life?

Walking down the woods;
Happiness rustling with the leaves,
I gazed the sky;
Dreamt I can fly,
I stepped…

Skies looked higher;
Woods grew taller,
Fallen leaves reached my eyes,
Realized I was sinking…

Kicked harder but sank faster,
Quick sand it was.
Calmness rushed physically, but
Tornado devastated my mind…

Cannot desert what I carried,
Coz the bag wasn’t mine.
Tried throwing it;
Made me sink deeper…

My life was at stake;
But the bag was more important.
There I sank alone;
Expecting someone would carry the bag…

Then I saw something;
Loose end of a rope…
Saw the other end;
There he was…

Sorrow swept me;
Coz he was puny,
I requested him to leave;
He cannot go for help,
Coz I made him mute…

Later I heard a voice;
Offered help,
I hesitated to reach;
Coz I feared;
She might sink too…

I saw them coming;
To save me,
It was just a mirage,
Coz they deserted me;
Long ago…

Here he smiled;
Asked me to open my bag,
Burdened with innocence;
I accepted to sink faster…

Smiling he crawled to me;
I had to scare him,
Also made funny faces,
Coz I need him to stay outside safe,
Yet not leave…

Then came the dozen dwarves;
They crossed the pit;
Stepping over me.
They thanked;
I said your welcome,
Never hoped to ask for their help…

More people came;
They filled my bag;
Allowed them to cross over me,
But none seemed strong enough;
To pull me out…

Laughing at my fate;
I waited for more to come,
I shall sink with my hands raised;
Holding firmly to the bag…

My mind filled with the question
Why me?
My confused heart shouts
Why can’t I?

With blind hope,
That the pit is not deeper;
I kick harder,
Only to notice I sink faster;
Where do I stand in life?

Should I kick harder?
Or should I drop the bag?
Either way I am sinking in life…
Where WILL I stand in life???
posted by Hariharasudhan Cd at Saturday, March 17, 2007 8 comments


Life ain’t simple, but can be kept SIMPLE

It had been long that I have blogged. Thanks to my PhD qualifiers, Chicago trip, some experiments and some serious commitments and responsibilities I had been physically exhausted. Mentally on the educational perspective, was doing better than worse. My mind did work normal. Hardly I had time to go and play some game (which mostly took the strain off my mind), yet I had been under control. There were days when I had no or a couple of hours sleep in 2-3 days. One friend called me Kaatu Payan (Mr. Jungle) coz of the way I was living my life.
I read this article back in India which I remembered during this interim which suggested one can watch and admire simple things in life to tackle stress. I used this concept for my benefit and it worked wonders. You won’t believe the things I started to admire.
I had been a constant fan of sunrises and sunsets. But coz of the extremely busy schedule I had in my lab I missed most sunrises and sunsets. But through my lab window from my chair I saw the brightness over the snow capped ground. Whenever it snowed I kept my tongue out and tasted the snow (till my tongue got dry). I cycled around Youngs library so that I can go around the poles in a wavy motion (located at the east section).
When traveling to Chicago alone, I watched the sunrise through my rear view mirror for a change. Whenever I was exhausted mentally, I took a piece of paper and just drew some crap just the way kids do.
Surprisingly I watched very little number of movies, my sandisk mp3 player died on me and so had no update on current songs (even now). When everyone were busy playing in snow without me (coz I was in lab), I tried something different. Through my lab window I collected the snow, made snow balls of ‘em and kept it near the lab heater. Watched it (at moments) melt and saw the water dripping on the sides of the heater.
On one occasion, when I had to wait for the nitrogen cycle to be over in my reaction, I made a pile using all the beakers in the lab. Fortunately it dint fall and make a mess :-)
The best thing I did to keep myself occupied (just like that to enjoy), I counted the no of holes in the speaker attached to my monitor. These are real tiny holes and hard to keep track of.
My room was a complete mess with books and papers and clothes and dirt from shoes (snow really made a mess in my room). I was so pissed initially that I had to clean it. The very next day it looked the same. So what I did was I kept stuff at random locations and tried remembering exactly how and where they were placed the previous day. Believe me… that improved a lot of memory.
Admired trees that had no leaves and only frozen branches, touched every lamppost I came around while walking back home, counted the no of steps to reach the student center starbucks from my dept when I went alone, did a lot of crazy stuff. But it was fun and it dint hurt anyone’s emotions or feelings. Things I did were countless. But it made me feel good. Tried new things in life and it worked fine. I guess sometimes its better to be left alone to make yourself like yourself…. Am now sleepy, but got work to do and so am thinking of counting the no of gloves in a fisher pack (it says 100 on the outside and I want to confirm it for fun) and rearranging it.
Got lots of things in my memory. But the memory bank is currently under renovation. So lemme finish the blog with the note, ‘I don’t know why I wrote this blog?’
posted by Hariharasudhan Cd at Wednesday, March 07, 2007 0 comments