The Last Word
Two days ago as I and my funny roomie watched an unusually funny yet seriously flawed movie, we ended up commenting something like this - "How come this guy always does music to movies where the heroine ends dying?" And somehow the small discussion after cascading into a comical banter had to end with me saying, "Unfortunately, sometimes heroines do die in reality too"
While I was reasoning in beta state the sudden silence that embarked the hall, I noticed a really sober and gloomy emotion on my friends face. Later it unveiled that he somehow took my comment as something related to my past. Life at the most unexpected moments curses you with incidents that remarkably change the way one changes towards the onset of a new life.
Seven Decembers ago, I lost Gowri, my first love of my life to an accident. In the passage of certain years to overcome and get over the loss, I was transformed heavily. Though the initial attempts were mere cases to rot into the pangs of nightmares, somehow the transformation from the curse was a blessing. Seven years might be a short period of ones lifetime, but these seven years forming the first half of my quarter life crisis made its impact both on the inner me and outer others.
On a light note, a few years ago my brother somehow read the details from my laptop and understood the reason for my zombie life and the care I showed towards his life. My mom had to end up believing that I grew mature enough to break up with Gowri, since she never knew anything. Dad during my last India trip understood that something was crucially wrong with me though he believed that I've grown better and fastly mature than he had expected. He extended his concern by frankly torturing me on an early morning walk and gave friendly advice on choosing a right girl (if I ever intend to do so by his terms :) Oh Dad...). Many friends of my college still make a joke about a term coined as 'guli' something that 'was' deeply important to me, I've shared enough details to a few close friends and many other a friends got a glimpse of my early love life. For some it is still a joke I cracked to tell them that certain things do happen in life. Well, real sorry to break your Santa Claus heart. You may never know the kind of things certain people have seen in their lives. Until that happens, enjoy your life as it can't be more perfect.
The important thing that happened over the recent years, is my acceptance on the mishap and the way life has to move on. Decembers for the last couple of years is all about happy memories, and the current life of raining stars. My good friend Duck who visited me recently said that, "This new Hari is = Old Hari + something - some fat & same old confidence to take risks" Those some things are what defines the next few years of my life. Today somehow I got an unexpected rain check of a remark from a new friend that "I'm immature and playful and kiddish" While these are the end function cases, the close mid ones still see me as the serious 'I can take more issues on hand' kinda guy.
Strangely I am the only one who knows and understands that every human is gifted equally the qualities to tackle or cherish the twists and gifts of life. Fortunate me, I've gone through phases and am quite sure I'll see more to come. I have all the many faces of my past. But at the moment, I am that immature playful kid I prefer to linger around with. Heck! that's what won the heart of Gowri in the first place nine years ago. Though I might and am forgetting the past moments that changed my present, I'll stick onto the past character of being the kid, with a little seriousness and maturity dormantly guiding me.
Today, right now, only for the moment, errrrr..... okay... the moment of me sleeping till morro morning I miss Gowri the most. Seven years of life somehow changed me tooooo much to NOT accept the concept of ghost or spirit or soul or etc or whatever of Gowri staying with me. Guess I've changed for good. Good enough to just kiddishly and immaturely be, that I dedicate the past seven years I could have had with her with this song...... Hope you can guide this new me into a better me.... Guli