Indian Ameri

Some rules to be considered if you wanna rule the roads in Chennai traffic. This is the case for two wheelers and can be employed in a similar fashion in the case you stick to four wheelers.

1. There is no blind spot. Don't worry whose at the back or the side. There is a kind of ESP existing between you and the drivers around you. They know you are crazy.
2. Always stick to the left most part of the road to overtake maximum vehicles. But be careful with the cyclists, pedestrians and slippery sand on the sides.
3. Respect cyclists at intersections coz they are the real champs when it comes to moving in traffic. Follow them and no matter what or how packed the jam is these guys keep on moving.
4. Natural born break inspectors demand that you slow down. So do give way for Buffalos, Cows and dogs.
5. You see an old guy driving his two wheeler in front of you, then immediately go to his right and he would slowly move to the right, you zoom in at left and he moves to the left. Do not I mean it Do not horn at them (respect their age, mumble with yourself). Just go to the extreme right of them like 2 inches from the girder and give them that accelarator sound and when they start turning their heads to look at you, just overtake them and they would just give you back a growl.
6. For bachelors, do not try to look at the girl in front of you driving the kinetic honda or scooty coz they always cover their face with a helmet, a scarf, a goggle, a white long sleeved glove. Just look at their feet, check if they have the metti (sign of being married), if not present just blame your luck and avoid them completely. They are the most rash when it comes to speeds beyond 40kmph. PS Do not try to impress by doing cheap tricks in front of them. They see a lot of it. Just be yourself and race past them.
7. If you see a newly married couple or of course romantic lovers, then always overtake at the side where the guy doesnt turn his head to look at his lovely babe. PS do not disturb them by honking.
8. You go good in traffic and suddenly some car guy honks at you bad then its either college students or young blooded safari drivers. If its the car show the middle finger and race past them. No way they can catch you up in the traffic. If its the safari guys, do not give them any way. Go at the centre lane and when you reach a signal just stare at the honking guy.
9. If you see a kid sitting at the back holding his dad firm then go parallel with him for a couple of seconds and when he watches you race past his dad, then slow down, go behind them for a while and then when he gets happy that his dad is the fastest just go way side of him so that he doesnt notice you and race up.
10. Sharp turns in busy roads are always supposed to be turned near the girders. Make a slant real close to the road so that people coming at the back understand that you are fast and they wont disturb you further.
11. At signals always go to the extreme left coz the traffic moves only there.
12. Wanna take a U turn and you see traffic keeping on pondering your precious time. Just stare at the vehicle which you wanna turn before and give sudden jerks with your bike. He would obviously slow and use it. Immediately take the left part of the road and then speed up.
13. Being good citizens though fast always give way to the ambulance. If possible in three lane roads with busy traffic show the ambulance the way to go fast by going faster in front of it and using all the laws of traffic avoidance as a favor. When he gains give way and the best to do is follow him.
14. A traffic policemen never catches the first guy coming off the signal even if you go four folds faster than the allowed speed.
15. On bridges always take the center lane (Center lane defined as the gap between lorries buses cars and Vans).
16. Always look at the bus no and confirm if the bus is gonna stop soon so that you can overtake it accordingly at the right or the left.
17. Never give up on guys racing with Pulsar or Unicorn or Karizma. Show them that its talent to drive and not the cc of the vehicle which decides whos better.
18. Though I don't use my mirrors much I recommend it for highway lanes.
19. You get caught in a two lane both way bridge. Go 2 inches to the right of the center yellow line and overtake all vehicles. The left lane is always slow with two wheelers.
20. Please use gas stations at signals and corners effectively to avoid traffic.
21. As an Indian citizen I have never gone against the one way rule however short it may be. I hate it personally.
22. A helmet is a must in Chennai traffic, not for safety but to avoid dirt in your eyes, and blackening of your face and to avoid pollution.
23. An mp3 player or an FM player with radiomirchi on always keeps your head cool.
24. The first person to scold is always the guy who made the mistake for the accident to occur in the first place. You meet with a small accident (the mistake done by the other guy), dont open your mouth, just stare at him. He would instantly wet his pants. But if you open your mouth then its history, you become the hunted.
25. I wanna finish with this one. Wanna kill yourself. Just play NFS or GT for half hour and drive you vehicle at peak hours. You reach home safe.. Then I swear you would say to yourself 'Am never gonna drive fast'. But I also swear the very next time you would be yourself ruling the roads and burning some rubber.

You are most welcome to add more rules. But remember these are for fast and rash driving. Speeds at least 100% in excess of other drivers nearby. Bon Voyage and set some records. PS do not advice me to drive slow coz it would make me go faster.