Indian Ameri


Fantas(y)tically Unromantic

“Yuck! Phfffbbbt…. I miss Naayar Cheta Chaaya”, is the thought that struck me (hard enough, that I checked my skull for possible head trauma), once I sipped the new flavor Tazo Tea I found in the Student Center Cafeteria. “Outside! On the grass! Might help finishing the tea” was the bulb that glowed and charged me up to walk out to the nearby field (after the busy 6 hr experiment). Sitting on a bushy, patchy corner of the lawn, I sipped through the rest of the torture and all of a sudden my eyes caught hold of something ecstatic.

The superior lateral rectus muscles (not the rectum dunce heads, it’s the eye muscles), forced my balls (am talking about the eye you perverts) towards the subjects line of sight. The iris stretched to focus the lens in a way that my retina could get a spot signal. Instant pupil dilation occurred as I saw this “God Worked” beauty in her early 20’s walking towards me. It wasn’t a low skirt or a showy top, but a queen garbed white angelic attire that led me drool tea all over the grass (actually I burnt my tongue and had to spit the tea).

Before even the thought of me getting up from my spot and walking behind her (sometimes the testosterone takes control of my limbs – no offense), she moved towards me and sat gracefully away from me on the lawn (about 4 meters). I didn’t know how long I’ve been mesmerized in her elegance, but one thing was sure – the Tea was slurrrrped to the paper. Then from nowhere, her boyfriend came into the scene (Curiosity filled me instead of jealousy – PS what am I supposed to be jealous about?). From my past experiences of spending time with friends of the other sex, I would conclude that her boy friend was of the “cute” kind from a girls point of view (From my point of view, he looked like any other ordinary guy). Anyways, back to the romance.

A few minutes into their discussion (it was clearly audible, but being a guy who respects privacy I mentally closed my auditory sense and loved the atmosphere), the guy gave a gesture of apologies. With the girl refusing acceptance of an apology, the guy walked towards the nearby tulip grown patch, snapped a red colored tulip off its twig and offered it to her. With mere zero plus experience in such situations, my curiosity for some science led me to open up my auditory senses and I waited for what a woman says in such a lively worldly situation.

“Thank You Fred! But don’t pick flowers that won’t grow again. EVEN for me.”

Yes, I was shocked by this girl’s response (Guess she was a freshman botanist. Even now I have no clue whether tulips grow from a broken stem or not?). The guy just smiled, and gave his apologies one more time, to which she refused acceptance ‘one more time’. Now they walked off after the usual goodbye kiss (Guess the goodbye kiss was for people watchers like me, coz they walked together holding hands).

Now I am not the kind of guy who ‘Sighs!’ about the state of my relationship and spoils the rest of my lovely mood and fun life (my lows are for a few seconds and that’s it). But, as I had ample time before I ran back to my lab to take a sample out, I fantasized about the situation I just now witnessed.

“What would you do Hari? If a beautiful girl like her tells you about not picking up flowers that might not grow?”, I questioned myself

“Wait here!” is what I would say, run to the tulip patch, use my cap to shovel out the sand, carefully separate the root of the stem from the manure enriched mushy sand and uproot the whole stem with the red tulip, go to the nearby coffee shop (where I had the tea), get a to go box, convert it into a temporary to-go pot, fill it partially with sand, wet it with bottled water, and then bring it to her and offer it to her (of course the bottle of water too for my hot girl). And then, I would say with a warm smile right from the heart, “A pretty flower for my pretty lady.” Once she takes it, I would pour some water in my hands, and sprinkle it over the tulip and of course on her beautiful face too.

“Yuck! Phffffbbbt….. Even the taste of that horrible Tazo Tea feels good was the thought that hit me and I woke from the fantasy and decided to run to my lab and read a paper. Seriously romance and I, don’t go together. I can even give consent over my nomination for Presidency for United States in the Colbert Report, but never can utter romantic words to a girl. Should I be worried? So far, the thought hasn’t hit me (hard enough to make me check my skull again). But when the moment comes, Hmmmm… Sigh….. God save that girl…… ;)

posted by Hariharasudhan Cd at Friday, April 25, 2008


counterfactuals...interesting!...the problem is missing data...ur imputing ur actions based on unknown distributions....let chaos and randomness rule buddy...reality might be different...maybe when the occasion demands, it will be a piece of cake and the girl might thank god for putting her in the right spot at the right time :-)

8:45 PM  

@ Maxie: Based on ur corollary, Guess I need to pinpoint my variables towards the only random constant in the gaussian distribution of interesting women - the least interesting women.... :-)

1:26 AM  

@ Phoenix: hmm there is a problem there...random oxymoron there...the set of least interesting women keeps changing as preferences change...oru bus vitta innoru bus man...avalvu thaan..nothin constant in life

12:37 PM  

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