I Miss You & Friday the 13th
As I said these words through the speaker phone, dad too had his initial reactions by rattling the paper to the floor, looking at mom, and then composing his usual self with a hint of sarcasm towards mom. "There is something behind this comment. Be careful dear. He is luring you into something big."
I smirked at dad's level of understanding and thought, "Damn Old man, you very well read my mom-son side of mind" "How about your Father?", Mom inquired after awakening from her day dream, trying to prove a point to Dad that I miss her the most seriously.
"Hehehehe" (That's the exact sound I made on the phone) and I felt the 10 MW aura having a fuse to a zero watt bulb and all that excitement in her face vanishing into thin air. Then I heard clear: Dad started his 'exhaling' laughter.
"Mom, I don't miss dad that maaaaaaaach.................." A big pause from me, and somehow mom understood that there's still words to add to that dragged upon 'much' "Coz, Hilt fills up his position of questioning my actions constantly", I finished (Hilt is my advisers name).
"No ones here to scold me like you do. And I miss that", I finished again, trying to fill her pause of disbelief. "All you miss is my scoldings?? :O I am not talking to you anymore" and she handed the phone to dad.
After quite a sumptuous laughter shared between dad and self, both (Yup, dad too) ended up apologizing to her for nearly 10 whole minutes. The rest of the discussion was all on Valentines Day Plans insinuating into my life's ambition on the personal front, some more sarcasm on Mom's early 20's-life running around Old Madras with Dad, throwing dust in the eyes of her relatives, etc. And as usual, the whole discussion ended up with me telling mom that, "I have none of your traits. I wasn't born to you. You picked me up from some 'golden' trash bin", etc, and the things that usually make my mom start giving me 'gaalis' that eventually drives away the insomniac in me and I slept with the phone at '8:30' in the morning.
I wonder, "How much sin have I done by never expressing my love to my mom and by constantly pissing her lovely mood?" Well, at least am still being that immature kid she likes to see, more than that mature, keeping stuff to himself sober, all guns going, trying to achieve big in life by constantly screwing up his sleep, 'son'. Thanks to the "above the shoulder grown son to friend" theory, there might have been a drastic incline in the physical expression of love towards my dad after coming to the States, but truly, I miss mom and her ways of keeping me find my inner peace. Sometimes being independent, teaches me to understand what dependence truly mean. Uh Oh! I am going too senti... Am walking back to the pavilion now...... "If you've read till this point, then 'This' is the sign for you to be that kid you used to be with your parents. Make them happy this Valentines Day" :P (I always like to say 'This is the sign'.... He he he he he)
Post Sleep post: Today Friday the 13th has definitely got to be the worst day of my life. What I did today, would haunt me for the rest of my life. This is one such day that would really screw up my mood (and at the same time keep me guarded) whenever I look back at my past. Today is the day after 4 long years, I transformed back into the angry guy I used to be back in India, and nearly ruptured into the meanest bully I could ever imagine. Thanks to the long walk for lunch to downtown screwing up all experiments, etc, I came to a certain of level of cool - the level meaning I was in a state to understand my side of error too as I returned. Unfortunately, the chasm of a bottle can't be filling pressure all the while and ended up facing yet again the situation of being the wrong guy at the wrong place at the wrong time. While, the true story part still remains in my shoes, and not even dream of requesting someone to walk in it, I decided to keep a check on my anger, and frick I screwed up big time in doing the most stupid thing of my life. Though, then, I was fricken mad at myself for what I was doing, now I feel a little glad, reconsidering the amount of pressure I really handled, before I broke down. I now know my limits and boundaries of taking pressure to more than a hench level. I know things won't be the same with me. I won't be that guy I used to be with others. Others won't see me the same anymore even if I don't change. Things have gone different and this would change the momentum so forth. I just hope, that those who witnessed todays sequence of incidents, understand that I had much reason beyond their imagination for the eventful mishap and won't question (or better even don't have concern) me for the rest of their or my lives. I know, I am a good guy - relinquishing the fact, that I could have thrown anger at everyone for silly stupidness that was being generated, but instead, I kept things within me, coz I never even imagined to hurt them in the first place. Of all the days in my life, Friday the 13th of Feb 2009 is the one day I would seriously time machine out and erase it from the pages of history. For the very first time in life, I 'feel' stupid and 'felt' vulnerable. I am getting back my composure my own style. But next time, I wish I'd rather show anger on something (and not someone), break my wrist/knuckles rather than being stupid. (I can go on and on and on... But, I guess its time to put things back in the past and carry on).
Oh Yeah! Awesome timing to say this - Happy Valentines Day..... (A truck load of smileys, just saying that I am truly smiling and considering the change I need to face) Cheerios!