Indian Ameri


Fear of being Fast

'Congratz Hari! That was great. Hats off to you', words of pure laudation from the mouths of an assistant professor of biochemistry from a renowned medical college in south India. A broad smile, extracting every bit of fake happiness just to accept his sincere words. The praising continued with the rest of the members of the Pittsburgh group. Instead of my heart sinking in the sheer success of my recent accomplishment, it beat in sync with my confused mind.
It took me 3 meters and less than two minutes to let go of the railing and start skating on ice (which infact was the first time in my life). An hour later, I did the 180 degree flip by jumping and still balancing and the security ringer had his jaw dropped and said, 'It took me 3 weeks to even try it.' A little bit of claps from the old ladies, a few high fives from pro ice hockey kids, a spanish rodeo bull hit with a twelve year old glider, some tips from an ice skating ballerina, a little hope from the mexican couple and loads of happy faces made me really enjoy ice skating. Though I was high on rocks (I meant the ice ring), the hot seat at the back of the SUV for less than an hour gave me puzzling reasons to freak out.
A week ago, when 6 minds including 4 engineers, and 2 doctors were trying to pop open an auto locked restroom door for nearly half an hour with a set of screw drivers and loads of other stuff, it took me less than a minutes analysis, a little peep with my camera eye, and finally a single touch-cantilever-tweek with the rightly chosen tool to unlock the door. The usual 'Aaaha Ohoo' chorus and warm laughter did follow, but my mind was puzzled at that moment - 'Were my friends dumb or was I too smart?' (No hard feelings guys)
A few months back, I was forced into the light of poker by a bunch of friends which included professional American, 1 South American, 3 Europeans and 1 another Indian players. 10 mins of rule reading, a little FAQs and finally a few shared jokes on everyones first game was enough to make me go for the game. Instead of the usual yapping, and sleep face, moments of absolute blank face, some fake tensions and sweats, a little play with the green chips and some really dumb questions made me laugh at everyone with the whole $3000 chips in my embrace. Thanks to their fortune we never put any real money on the table.
The same was the case with racquetball, speed sorting, playstation fifa, counter incharge, some cricketing shots, bowling and much more off sports stuff. Yes I do sometimes feel AWESOME to be a fast learner, but there is always this risk I put without intention, which makes me feel lonely. Like the no of falls I had in ice skating was never the issue, but the way I fell (safe and sound) could have gone wrong, the slips I could have had when I do rock climbing without a rope, could have completely made the lock go loose and fall inside the restroom, risk integrity of a group, some close friends confidence and much more I can't risk again putting it on the open.
The sheer thought of all these things made me sleep for the first time in years in a moving vehicle. A sudden brake from the driving close friend, threw me off the seat and I was cramped between the seats for quite a while. I was happy that I slept peacefully in the car when I had my mind on the running aisle. Sometimes I really wish I was not a fast learner so that I can enjoy every moment of slow success like my other friends.
Off the blog, things which are noteworthy enough to be put in are - I had a completely non committed mind for the Pittsburgh trip (even after sitting the car, I didn't feel like I had to make the trip), except for the last 2 mile stretch into Lex; I had a complete control on my speed skills (never wanted to scare P's parents), P's friend in Pittsburgh was in fact my school senior (I really appreciate her skill of identifying me in minutes coz I dont even look close of the old school looks), completely had non senical talk the whole time I was in the front seat (Thanks to the equivalently understanding new small friend of mine), had seriously zero plans for thanksgiving, got the keys at the last moment from P and so drove everyone to Columbus for Jefferson Mall, spent just $25 on clothes instead of $200 (awesome deals on branded items) that too coz of the upcoming event in my life, my advisor read my mind, had my first tear coming out coz of a book (Mr. Hollands Opus was the movie where I cried first in 2001) zombied out the entire day and slept 6 hrs non stop in the evening. PS I am getting hungry like hell now a days and haven't done a bit of work in my lab (means it's back to old times in the lab soon)
posted by Hariharasudhan Cd at Saturday, November 24, 2007


Hey bud, I am really not sure whether I got your intension,but,
in today's competitive world, you otta be a fast learner.You can be fast, not rash.....
May be it is as simple as that...

3:24 PM  

Hari - I know the answer :)

You fucken have Attention Deficit hyperactivity syndrome.

Typical symptoms:

1. Often fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in seat.
2. Often gets up from seat when remaining in seat is expected.
3. Often runs about or climbs when and where it is not appropriate (adolescents or adults may feel very restless).
4. Often has trouble playing or enjoying leisure activities quietly.
5. Is often "on the go" or often acts as if "driven by a motor".
6. Often talks excessively.
7. Often blurts out answers before questions have been finished.
8.Often has trouble waiting one's turn.
9.Often interrupts or intrudes on others (e.g., butts into conversations or games).

The disorder is characterized by a persistent pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity, as well as forgetfulness, poor impulse control or impulsivity, and distractibility.

You fucken need treatment ;)

9:53 PM  

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