Indian Ameri
Sunday
Only He Knows me
In the alley of emptiness;
Cloaked by nightfall,
I was the meandering stray cat;
I felt a sense of success.
I was to myself;
None seemed to follow,
In the eternity of darkness;
Even my shadow deserted.
Then came the voice;
I realized I can never be alone,
With him around me;
For the eternity to my grave .
He called himself as conscience;
My best friend of patience,
And my worst enemy;
Who stayed as me.
I had a life of pimple;
Whose plot was simple ,
There was mighty joy and sorrow ;
He brought me life for tomorrow.
A conscience worth keeping;
Laughing and sometimes weeping ,
Advising me of options;
If not of emotions.
I believed in him alone;
If not shall be true to none,
Learnt to take sufferings with a smile;
Coz that’s all I had for a while.
Happiness he asked me to share;
Sufferings he asked me to care,
Both hated the word anger;
Our mistake made it danger.
My cell rings might be of twenty three;
But he is of generations three,
He, the childish trouble;
He, also the legendary fable.
Thanks to him;
Now I have friends,
Of multiple personality;
I am never to myself.
He brought back light;
And the shadow too,
Off goes the stray cat;
And here comes a new mate.
H2S
5 Comments:
From Sarita (A friend of mine)
The poem is good and easy to understand ;)
The rhythm in 1st 3 stanzas is different that the remaining ones...or 1st 3 are Muktachhand...and rest all have Yamak...that is what we call in Marathi...this is something new.
1st I thought that this may be conicidence! and also it is techically not correct. However when I read it again, then only I realize the magic behind it. Not havig rhyming and then having it again, help you to change the mood of poem and flow in such a beautiful way, it also directlly reacing to the mind of reader.
Keep up the good work :)
Sarita
Hey this one is simple enough for the LAYMAN to understand....
i like the way ur friend is being introduced...i also liked the overall flow of thought pattern...
but did it miss something emotionally strong.. i thought that u could have looked at bringing something emotionally strong in the poem... because i personally feel that Mr. conscience is one of the most strongest emotional characters in life who can disturb you quite a bit... but just a thought.. don know if even a few wud agree with this perspective..
overall cute!!!
LAYMAN...
PS : i think you meant "from eternity" in the last line of para three or four..
also i think you still could have made the poem rhythmic throughout rather than just the middle portion... or was it a good tactic as ur friend sarita had observed it..
@Krishnan:
Yup, it misses the true strength of conscience as I intentionally made it sound simple coz I consider it as a friend and not as a quality. Further yes the poem was made non rhythmic purposefully(experimented)... PS enough of the layman term... Next poem is called Jai Jawan, Jai Kisan... This ones gonna b deep in emotions....
I choose to call myself LAYMAN.. when i comment on your blogs.. i think my observations when it comes to poems will be from a LAYMAN s perspective.... pls bear with me...
Hari,
Theres a lil trick u ought to know about - when attempting poetry
( try reading John Keats or wordsworth to test if my theory is right )
DO NOT attempt rhyming sequences in every damn line - just a normal narrative, u know, making sure that there are no difficult/too different words jutting out
I guess im not qualified for this job - but what the heck, cant resist shooting bull when i get the chance.
Cheers!
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