Q&A’s in disguise.
First of all after being confused, I decided to be to myself for quite some time and see what happens. Well I got answers for being silent. At least 10 people over the weekend called me for some kind of help. The 10th guy gave me the answer for one of my questions. In order to cut short the details – in short he ended up saying that, people come to me for help only for those situations where they don’t know anyone else who had such a situation other than me. Further he said that I never help them directly but advice them on what to do. I was happy when I realized what ways I’ve been helping people.
I spoke with my dad on his birthday and after years I asked him a question relating to my life and he was happy about it. I asked him ‘Do I care about myself and do I do my duties good?’ for which his response in short was like this – You do give your preference to your duties first all the time. You are a last minute performer and you always been like this. You do all the other stuff first and you exactly know when to start your work. But never have you worried about whether you would finish it on time coz you always knew how to finish the work. And that my son is what your way of victory is. After this talk with my dad I did put some thought into it and realized that I do analyze a lot (over the instant I think when someone approaches me) and only when I feel nothing clashes with my goals I accept helping them. I exactly know what my limitations are. I accept that I go to the physical extremes tiring myself before I go to bed, but I balance my health a lot. In 2 years I gone from a lazy oaf to an active person leading a healthy life.
The most intriguing question that pondered me was, ‘Y should I care too much about friends whom I never expect to call me when I’m down?’ For this question I was searching every corner of my life for an answer. But I couldn’t find one. But I found my answers in the best ways. There was an incident when I just gave a friendly comment of calling one of my funny friends for a strip club. There was a third person who listened to this and immediately showed a worried face. I told him it was a joke and he was fine. Later that night when it was 4 in the morning, he called me and asked what and where I was? He instead of advising me, ordered me not to even think of such things. I had a great laugh that night over my walk and was feeling happy. Later the same day, a distant friend of mine (my senior whom I emulated for his great character and communication skills) came online and said that he felt good reading my blogs. Though all I did was boost his morale with some friendly advices, I personally felt the same boost coming in me coz now I need to live up to their expectations. Later I realized that, my way of a successful life has always been coz of me standing as an example to my friends. Its not only the grass that’s greener on the other side, the weed too is.
My lab senior member was extremely down coz of his recent failures in work and coz of all the work on his shoulders. There was a time when we danced to lab music and had fun, but this time he was extremely pissed. Though we had 3 more graduates and a bunch of undergrads he preferred talking to me about his troubles, and all I did was give him examples of my situations and in a day his mood changed and his work flourished. To keep him on the drive I too was working great in the lab. Though my mind didn’t think of keeping him happy when I worked, there was this inner mind which kept me work hard just to get me good results so that I won’t go to his state. My good friend and colleague whom I considered to be the coolest guy among a group of friends was in fact going through lot of stress coz his social life. In spite of being in a group of awesome friends, and laughing every day and enjoying great time going out, he was extremely stressed up. One nights discussion with him gave me insight into my own ways of life. I was pleased not just because I made him happy but coz of the ways I understand life. My roomies have always been there to support me whenever I’m down and it had been mutual among us. Yesterday night I got call from a great friend whom I used to go for
With all this happiness of answers filling my mind, there was still something bothering me, and I didn’t know what it was. But today when I was walking to Chipotle for lunch I met this old friend of mine. We are talking and when she told me am crazy to walk roughly 2 miles for lunch I responded her, ‘The weathers good to sit outside Chipotle for lunch and I kept walking with her’. After she departed, I kept on walking and near Chipotle I met another person whom I never even remembered of meeting before crossed the road and came to me and spoke with me. Eventually after knowing her and laughing about my network of friends, I invited her for lunch and ended up having a sponsored lunch (shameless me). She left early whereas I remained basking in the afternoon clouds outside Chipotle. Then I realized that I do have my very own life. I do have time for myself every now and then. Whenever I feel I want to be alone, I remain in solitude. I realized that I had done a great job so far taking care of issues that faced my life a lot. I had stood strong so far and never had quit on things I liked the most. I’ve never done any harm to others and especially to myself. Finally the best answer I had for all my questions were my questions itself. It started raining and I decided I need to walk in the rain and I did walk in the rain with a broad smile. I do live a life that I like the most.
As I was about to post this blog, a friend came online and spoke to me about her experiences she had over the weekend. Though I had been rude to her some weeks ago, I was happy to see her come again and talk to me. Along with the long blog above this para I would like to add the fact that I do have some characteristics which does make people hate the way I am, and I am looking into those issues too. Eventually there would be a day, when instead of me being happy, I would keep everyone happy. I am happy I got answers to most of my questions… I thank everyone who directly or indirectly helped me on this (though it is not necessary to give a public thank you note, that’s how my character is). I like it that way…..