Indian Ameri

A fictional hospital scene between characters Robin William (Patch Adams), Wayne Szalinski (Honey! I shrunk the kids), Cuba Gooding Jr (Brashear – Men of Honor) and a patient (Tom). (Imaginative and trying to add a little laughter to it. So try imagining the conversation in their respective voices and tones)

(The darkness tunnels into a red smudge. Tom’s eyes open slowly and he sees a short man with a red clown nose ball lifted with a broad smile)

Patch: Ah! The spring of life! Hey Tom, I’m Dr. Patch Adams. You just awoke from a forty year coma.

Tom: Ouch! My stomach hurts. What year is it?

Patch: It’s 2848 and that (pointing to the stomach) preserves a forty year old rusty coin buried in your tummy. Somehow you swallowed it and went into coma……. But don’t worry. We’ve got our specialists ready to go under the belly and fish it out.

(Specialist Carl Brashear and surgeon advisor Dr. Wayne Szalinski walk in through the ward door)

Patch: Ooooh Ooh! You look good Wayne. New trainer?

Wayne: Naah! I’m on a special diet. No toxic waste. And I also shrunk my shrink and am not feeling mentally weird.

(Shrunk his shrink? What does that mean? Ouch again! My stomach)

Patch: Good! But you still are a geek! And you Dr. Brashear, heard a great deal about you. How is Billy?

Brashear: Sir! ‘Do NOT’ call him Billy! He is the legendary MASTER CHIEF Billy Sunday of the Naval Marine Corps who found the Scuba 1130 which got him the ‘honorary’ Presidential Award!

Patch: “Howling Hooligans!” Damn! I’m from “Emerson Elementary”. I once drew a picture of a rabbit that got me ‘twoooooo gold stars’. Hmmmph!!

(Tom goes restless! What is a marine doctor doing here? Is the world in war?)

Wayne: Now! Now! We are all experts here. Now let’s see how we can cure this patient of ours!

Patch: Yuppie Geek squad! Is he gonna ‘take the cab back’, or is he gonna keep breathing? Hope you have the skill Brashear. This one’s a first timer. Never seen a case like this before.

Brashear: Sir! Yes Sir! The doctor diver of the naval academy is not a fighting man. He is a salvage expert. If it is lost in gastric juice, he finds it. If it is sunk in the depths of the colon, he brings it up, if it is in the way of the anal rectum, he moves it. If he is lucky, he will die young, 2 ml beneath the gastro waves, for that is the closest he’ll get being a hero. And we live on the greatest character our academy has taught us.

Patch: And haughtily what would that be cookie? (where did that speech come from?)

Brashear: GUTS sir!

Wayne: Then guts is what we dig in for now. Pffft!

(The Marine cadets bring in the Scuba 1130 – a big metal helmet to withstand pressure of great heights, a copper moulded titanium alloyed suit, mounted with a mirror imaged surgeon tool kit)

Tom: Is this a joke? Can’t he operate without this monstrous suit?

Patch: Mmmmmm. You see, down below the dungeons of your lower intestine, there lies the stench monster. We use the helmet so that he doesn’t smell it and faint or have a taste of your intestinal fluids and start happy hunting ground. And while he walks through your stomach, he doesn’t want to be treated like in the Aaaaalien movie… Aaaaaaoooooooo….. So we DO need the suit!

(Tom flinches to Patch’s howling sound)

Tom: He, he, he walks inside my body? How can that be possible? Your all nuts!

Wayne: Ahem! That would be because of my invention Tom. It is called the ‘Honey I shrunk the doctor’ phenomenon. I shall shrink Dr. Brashear to the NANOSCALE and then he shall walk into your stomach and then to your gut and he shall remove the rusty coin. The only thing is, now your gut though is 4 meters long would feel like a 300 mile flush ride for Brashear. Hope his suit holds the pressure….

Patch: Welcome to the “world of Nanomedicine!” I’d rather prefer C3-PO to wiggle out my mucosa than sending “Dr. Sir! Yes Sir!” over here.

(Brashear suits up and then Wayne zaps him with his shrink machine and they open Tom’s mouth and send Brashear in)

Patch: I’ll be out attending other aliens. By the way, if we bury your ass up. I’ve got a place to park my bike. Cheerios!

And here ends my half hour break. Back to my nanotechnology research for the futuristic nanomedicine.