Indian Ameri

Is it by anyway fucken death season all of a sudden? I haven't even recovered from one of my best friends death, and now I already hear news about one of my close friends dad passing away. And to make matters worst, he just came to the US, to do his MBA and has now left the country for good back to India. I'd been in great touch with only two friends from my under grad and one is all the time working on his business, traveling different countries except the States and the other, whom I just met in Boston, is back home. I'd been in situations, of recovering from a close ones death, but now, for the first time, I'm in a situation of 'supposed to console' my friend on his loss. To make things worse, I have this huge guilt of not meeting him in Boston on the last day, before I left back to Lexington.
Usually, I don't expect anything in return from friends, but for the first time, I'm expecting atleast a "Is everything alright?" from some close friends, who by far are occupied in their work and future. Fucken I don't want to go back to the old state and complain stuff on some stupid so called God, but events such as these are really throwing me off guard. Yesterday took one of the strongest blows in my life for being blamed for a last second planned stupid idea'ed surprise birthday party. I'd been gritting my teeth long enough on stuff that should have been dealt long back. Guess I was too particular in not hurting some peoples feelings. I don't need the respect I need for being a friend. But I do need some respect for atleast being a human. I deserve it.
I have million reasons to go back to India and I am still holding on to one stupid reason or goal which I now feel is not worthy enough to achieve. I don't know where the fuck I learnt this stupid concept of being in the moment and forget what happened or what might happen and somehow this stupid concept is not entirely working for me.
When, those few people I depend upon, to let go off my research related stress or even throw a sighful smile at, all of a sudden seem so distant in heart, I guess I deserve being lonely. I'll just assume that everyone needs some space at this moment and I'd rather lock myself inside my box....