Indian Ameri


(Long time no rant) The Title

Drained, Depressed, Dejected, Differentiated - First time in several months, that I am taking my research-non-break time to post a blog. The reason - Am in the extreme state of the 4D's as mentioned before.
Just came from a 2 hour long group meeting, and I am drained coz of it. I am depressed, coz my advisor informed the whole group that he will be leaving back to Lex early on Friday just to save some $ on his wallet. He is sure to miss my presentation in the much awaited annual conference, and this time, I have results to show for potential discussion with my peers. I am dejected, that he considered my request to postpone his flight as a childish need. And finally I feel differentiated, coz among the 5 Grad students and 1 post doc, none cares about my results, none know what I work on, and most of all none seem to be interested for a discussion like the way I do with them. It's going to be another lonely year, talking to a bunch of pre talk interested people, who eventually assume that my research is too high for them to critic, and decide to leave the questions to the 'Being-the-chair-I-need-to-ask-some-question' Chair of my talk session.


"Long time no rant" an apt title. A slight amount of smile rooted out of my bunny teeth, and my mind was filled with joy. The joy of "Crap! You're trying to rant for something so stupid? Can't believe that I mumbled inside for this cheap situation"
A few seconds into some thought, (and of course that painful, insolent, reckless, confident asshole named Conscience) made me realize that I've just had a stupid time lapse into normalcy.
Being different is actually my advantage, I realized. While my colleagues are working on the macro scale studies, I'm revolutionizing the same concept at the nano level, and for sure I am bound to face some tonne of a problem.
Dejection on being called a needy child by my advisor, does prove that I am childish (Though, I should be yelling wooo hooo, I'm still a child, the situation demands I'm a lil mature. So getting back to the mature kinda post :D). With my work-space turned into a swamp of novelty research, and gaining confidence and respect from my advisor, I am bound to represent not just my work, but the whole lab coz I know what everyones working on, and their conceptual basics too.
Depression - I just had some balance in life. It is good that I can attain depression in work related stuff. Though, I'd been the school kid who was 'el perfecto' in the 'Cow gives milk' essay, with respect to personal agenda, I guess, I can truly worry about other things in life too. Now, that's a hard finder in my current attitude of approach.
Drained - Dude! It's obvious. You went through two consecutive days of 7 hour sleep cycles. You're detoxing from the previous work-fun load.

[I am not behaving too optimistic, am not getting over confident over my immediate ventures, not dreaming over things in the air, I am not the normal type I can be - I am just renaming myself "Different"] [Oops! No fun during work time. Bak to the Control Deck]
posted by Hariharasudhan Cd at Friday, October 31, 2008


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